It’s that same old same old. I got a lot done in these past couple of days, but at the same time felt that I did nothting. I’m sure there’s a paradox named after it, though I wouldn’t know what it’s called.
People are so busy these days. Myself included. Still it all seem very routine. It all seems as though we are all just going through the motions. I’m finding that I’m doing that more and more. Just going through motions.
I worry about boredom. It’s not me being bored. I’m rarely bored when left to my own devices. I worry when other people get bored, in particular, friends. I feel that I’m responsible and I want to remedy their boredom in some way or another. It’s more than a worry when it comes to Kevin. With him, I’m down right terrified. I know several couples who have said that they’ll stay together for as long as it stays interesting. Now they’ve been together for decades at this point. It’s something that they have, that Kevin and I don’t. They have history to keep things interesting. I worry, I’m terrified that Kevin will find me boring at some point, and be done with me.
HA! I guess I just confessed to one of my triggers. Or is it buttons. … Pressure points? … Is it because of some kind of childhood trauma? Maybe? But I do start staring deeper into that rabbit hole when I think that Kevin is bored, and/or bored with me.
The 3rd Coyote 