My Resolve Is Wavering

So it’s been 2 weeks since I put in my notice to my Gangerous Slime Rot job. There was a lot of support from all the people that I know about my decision and actually following through with the notice. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders. I still felt like Godzilla suckered punched me when walked through the door. The rage still boiled up within an hour of working there, but there was a bit of hope.

I started daydreaming of all the artsy fartsy projects that I would be able to finally, finally FINNALY finish. I can clean the house, organize all the “to be filed piles” that are scattered through out the house. I would hang out in my back garden (yard) fussing about, watching spiders spin their webs. I would practice my flute and study the game of Go/Baduk/Wei Qi in futile yet aspiring hopes of becoming a master. … I will train … Everyday… Rediscovering the Shaolin forms and techniques that I let fall to the wayside because of this Manky Piss Stank job.  … My GOODNESS!  All the writing that I would do… Not that I think that I have Earth shattering thoughts & concepts, or J.K Rowling level story lines. I just want to write. I imagine myself sitting in coffee shops with my laptop, sucking the very last drop of the free cup of coffee that I will get because of a full loyalty card that I’ve been hoarding for just such an occasion. There will be a gentle rain outside softly drumming on the window like a meditative mantra. A soft angelic halo of light would surround me as I tap out the ramblings of a mandrill baboon. Ahhhhh… It would .. will be GLORIOUS! …  I would walk with my head up high, a smile from ear to ear, and no hip pain from sitting on a stool in a cramped space for 18hrs at a time! OH! I can’t wait until September 5 2019, my last day at that Puke Slime job!

… I had to pay all my monthly bills last night… My account is down to €50.  The underwriters for my Public Liability insurance have pulled out, so I need to find a new insurer. Meaning I will more and likely have to pay 2x as much as before. The outdoor drain needs to be cleared €130. The night storage heating needs to be taken out €300. The sink faucets in the kitchen and bathroom need to be replaced because they don’t turn off completely and leak €360. The roof above the kitchen is leaking. … In one months time I have to pay out another €1500 just in bills. …

… My resolve to quit this job is wavering…

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My Notice Is In!

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I have offically given notice. In 6 & 1/2 weeks I will be FREE from this Gangrenous Puke Rot job!

It was rather anti-climatic…

All week end I was psych’n myself up for it. I refuse to engage in anything that involved money, look at my bank accounts or even count money. I didn’t want to chicken out… Taught a seminar Sunday morning, it finished up early, thought; ‘Great! I have an extra 2 hours! I’ll take a nap!’ And that’s what what I did. You’d think it would be restful, peaceful even, because all Sunday afternoon naps usually are. But no, every 10 min or so I’d open one eye and check my phone, not just for messages from work, but to make sure I didn’t over sleep. Finally I get up to get ready. Remeber from my last post, I have to go to the coffee cafe down the way from work an hour before my shift to psych myself up for the job, which means I have to leave another hour earlier to walk to the bus stop that takes about 20min. Wait for the bus – 10 min. Then depending on traffic another 20min to 50 min  on the bus. … But as I’m putting my things together I get a few calls and several messages; “… Are you on your way? … Where are you?… ” etc… I respond; “I’m not in until 6pm”

“No”

“???”

“You work at 4 … Did you look at the roster?…”

Turns out the roster was changed and nobody thought to tell me about it. No matter, I work it out. She can stay until 6pm. I get to work, Godzilla does his compulsory punch in the gut when I walk through the door and it’s non stop  equipment malfunction, noise, noise,  louder noise, selfishly self-entitled cranky customers, & small time amature semi criminals. I manage to get them out before closing at 2am I go home in bed By 4am @ 8am I get messages from the Assistant Manager letting me know all the fallacious reasons why I am not worthy of this Manky Piss Stain job…*sigh*… Typical shift at work – I am definately putting in my notice…

Now I’m motivated. I get on the computer I write my resignation letter:

22 July 2019

Dear Bozo, Krusty, & Pennywise

Please accept this letter as notice resignation  from my role as the company’s  doormat, employee dumping ground and customer’s punching bag. My last day will be Thursday 5 September 2019.

I greatly appreciate the opportunity to bring forth my inner demons to justify areson & contemplate the downfall of all your customers, that you have provided me.

I fully intend to work all the shift that I have been scheduled, with tremendous disdain & a dark sense of sarcastic humour. I hope you and the company will continue to enjoy it’s failing success in the future.

Sincerely,

The Goddess & Creator of The 9th Ring in YOUR Hell

… My better self told me that I should keep it simple and leave out the adjatives.

I print it out in triplicate. Put it in a brown recycled environmentally friendly evelope, because we all should do more of this… Got ready for work, got on the bus, sat in the coffee shop down the way with letter in hand. I contemplate all the AMAZING things I can see and do once I’m FREE from the barbed shackles of this Pestilant Poisoned job, like: Go to sleep, eat proper meals at reasonable times, see what the live in boyfriend actually looks like…

Now I wasn’t expecting the Asst. Mgr. That I was suppose to take over from ti throw their hands up in the air curse the powers the be, fall to their knees a, begging me to stay while gripping my left ankle… Seriously, I really wasn’t. Nor was I expecting them to turn into a towering inferno of rage exiling me to my room with no dinner for a millennia screaming “GOOD RIDDANCE YOU BUMBLING BUM!”

… I’m not sure what I was expecting. I know I was expecting that they would be there…

So I come into work and take the sucker punch by Godzilla come up to the desk and find one of the other workers there. The Asst. Mgr. had to leave…

… That’s it…

Well, I still put my notice in. I messaged them saying that I will quit as of the 5 Sept. took a photo of the letter and sent it to them so that there’s some sort of time stamp. There was a bit of surprise with a “… you want to leave completely…” But not much else…

In any case … My Notice Is In! …

 

I’m Quitting My Job On Monday

Yes, I am. I am quitting my job on Monday.

I’m writing this as a statement to the World that I am going to quite my job on Monday… (Actually, I’m giving notice on Monday … As of Friday 6th September 2019 I QUIT! )

I have to do this, because between now and Monday, I will talk myself out of it, and try to find yet another way to cope with this goodness forsaken phuc’d up job.

I have no safety nets – NONE!

No savings.

No family … none that will give me any kind of support until I’m back on my feet, anyway…

No friends that can afford to support me, we are all suffering … Plus, in 2013 I was in dire straits. Literally portioning out a small €0.99 bag of baby potatoes for the week and waiting to see if Meals on Wheels had any leftovers for me so that I can portion that out. I had made a huge leap and took my martial arts school and left the corrupted life sucking Instructors that my school & I were being terrorized by and went out on my own. Again I had NOTHING! Then my AWESOME Friends Ben & Angel, got all my other Friends together to pitch in and send me money to help out! My GOODNESS! How that saved me! But like what Spiderman said “… Everyone, gets 1…” That was my 1. … And I have yet to honour their kindness or even returned their favour…

I am on my own…

I hate my job… I hate my job… I hate my job…

I was only suppose to be working 20hrs a week. Set hours too. It was suppose to be a part time job that helped with making ends meet while I build my school. But to help out while a girl was on maternity leave. I worked full time. When she came back, not only was I bullied relentlessly by her, she jammed up the roster where I ended up working 18hr shifts, & double shifts every unholy and holy Sunday for the better part of 2 flipping shyte years! I kept track of everything, all her calls all her texts all her notes. Every time I just had enough I would bring it all to the manager and she would get a slap on the wrist. … I would foolishly think to myself; ‘Things will get better now’ … Well of course, you know, it didn’t.

Working that many hours with no breaks, the customers turn into Grade ‘A’ Greedy Slimy Jerks! I start to imagine 50, 100, 1000 different ways you can get away with murder. I start chanting to myself ; ‘I work the awful job so I can travel! I work this awful job so I can travel! I work this awful job…”

Then there’s the ever so invasive social media that we are all now required to be on both Facebook and What’s App so the Assistant Manager can constantly send out group phuc’n messages to remind us what an AWFUL PHUC’N JOB WE ALL WORK AT, at 3  FECKIN’ A.M. in the SHITTY MORNING! … And that’s on  your day off… assholes…

Every time I take the bus to work, I desperately wish that instead of getting in the bus through the door, that I would get in the bus through the front grill …  I hate my job… I have to go to a coffee shop that’s 5 min away from my crappy poo fart job an hour before my shift starts, to phyc  myself up for work. I get queezy, nauseous as I drag my sorry ass on that 5 min walk to the front door. I feel like I just got sucker punched in the gut by Godzilla when I step inside. … I can’t breathe … Within the 1st hour the anger in me starts to boil, and the only way I can control it is to book weekends away and holidays… I have to cancel them later when I get home. … I feel that I have some freedom, some escape when I do that … I’m keeping my booking to Iceland though… By the end of my shift, I’m shaking with rage and in the past week, I’ve taken to throwing up after I close up at 2am. … Not joking … Face down in the toilet throwing up… Thank Goodness I cleaned it before … sucks that I have to clean it again… It takes me a whole day after a shift to wind down from it. I’m already consumed by the anxiety a whole day before a shift….

I gained 40lbs since I started this … this … job. I now have lipedemia, and exhibiting signs of multiple sclerosis that runs rampant in my family. My joints ache constantly. I’m always tired. I’m always angry. … I hate my job… Earlier this year, because of the stress and anxiety of this Rat Ball Slime job and sitting for 18hrs on a stool, my soas muscles seized and twisted, pulling my left leg 2in up into my hip. It cost me a fortune to go to an osteopath to work it out so that I can stand on both feet at the same time. (If you are in the Cork City, Douglas area I’d recommend Trevor if you need one. He’s FANTASTIC!) Currently my ulcers are flaring, even as I write, I have waves of searing pain ripping through my gut every time I think about this Demon Spawned job.

Recently I have had to get all my VAT & TAX for the school in order and up to date. Long story for another time & post. It was a real eye opener. My worse year financially was in 2013 when I only had 6 active students. I currently have over 20 active students, and I am bringing in ONLY 1/3 of what I brought in when I only had 6 active student in 2013! I’ve been so consumed by this Wart Stank job that I’ve not only neglected my health but I’ve neglected my school.

My conditioning is so bad, I can barely teach my classes. I know that I would not be able to do the work out that I make my beginners do. That’s really embarrassing being that I’m 6th degree black belt. Can you imagine what I can do with more than 20 active students if I wasn’t always tired, angry and in pain? If I can teach my classes with enthusiasm instead of just getting through so I can get to work. If I could not just tell them how it’s done but show them as well! My Goodness IT WOULD BE SOOOO MUCH FUN! Maybe instead of just 20 active students, there would be over 50? … If I had over 50 active students, I wouldn’t need a second job…

In the last several months there’s been a very unsavory element in the customers. Illegal activity happening in and around my place of work. I told management. They talked to the customer and fibbed. They fibbed about how the they were being watched. And now the customers are calling their bluff. I let management know. Management didn’t care. We are working alone until 2am. The crowd is getting rougher and rougher. We have no back up or recourse other than calling the guard (police) if anything should happen. The whole problem could be resolved if management would just have security do a walk through  or  2 between 11pm and 1am to make their presence known. But they couldn’t be bothered. So, I have to play security guard for less than half the hourly pay of an actual security guard. … I hate my job…

And there’s Ricky. The live in boyfriend. My love, though we haven’t had anytime to really explore it. We met. 6 months later we dated. 6 months later he moved in. 8 months later I started this WHANKTARD SNATCH PUSS job… So once again you can imagine, always tired, always angry, always physically in pain with one thing or another. Between teaching classes, and work, and his work, and whatever else it is that he does, we might get a full day to spend together … well, I’m sure we have… Over the last few years he’s shaved his gotee, grew it back, and shaved it again. Changed the style of clothes, gained weight, loss weight, I’m sure his views on life have evolved or changed, but I wouldn’t know … Always tired, angry & in pain, I barely notice when he decides to do a bit of creative man-scaping. … Maybe that’s the way it’s always been? … Gotta give the man credit for putting up with  me and sticking around all this time, still doing the dishes even! I have to wonder where we would be now if it weren’t SKANK PHUC JIZ ROT job. … Better? Worse? I know that I’m looking forward to finding out …

So, I’m quitting my job Monday, … I’m giving notice  …  In a month and a few days I will have to face a whole new set of anxieties, but I WILL BE FREE …

Wish me luck Folks! And don’t let me chicken out!

Sketch Dirty

This was my attempt to “sketch dirty” Ha! I know what you’re thinking & you’re being naughty! 😉

Back in my days of elementary school we actually were graded on our art work! I always got really high marks until the devastating day in 6th grade when Mrs. Krebs brought in an art student from some fancy smancy college to teach us about “art” by sketching our sneakers. I went straight to work meticulously drawing every line of my K-Mart wannabe Addias knockoffs! I even used a ruler and that weird thing that you were suppose to use to draw perfect circles but ending up stabbing the kid in leg that you sat next to for eating your glue… But I digress… When I was done I presented a very pristine pair of my kid sweaty grubby sneakers, with perfectly tied laces and a very articulate shadow to show dimension, the hippy dippy artsy farsty student art teacher, GASPED! At first I thought it be one of shear delight from the glory of my art work! OH! But No! No! No!

“That’s Not right!” She exclaimed! “That’s not what your sneakers look like!”

My nostrils started to flair, not in rage, but in attempts to hold back gushing tears of utter confusion! Of course it looked like my sneakers! I sketched MY sneakers! How can MY sketch of MY sneakers look like anything other than MY SNEAKERS!

In her own desperation to keep this racially ambiguous girl from self distruction, she scrambled off into another classroom and came back with a sketch of 2 fried eggs and some spaghetti. I don’t think I was ever more confused.

“You want it to look more like this…” She said trying to be consoling. “Your’s is to ‘clean’. You want to ‘sketch dirty’…”

I had not a clue of what she was talking about. I was to busy wallowing in self pitty & doubt. She gave me a “D” and Mrs. Krebs still hung it on the wall with the others as a constant reminder of my failed career as a 6th grade artist.

It wasn’t until I was in college when my AWESOME friend Erin was taking an art history class as an elective that I kinda sorta understood what sketching dirty meant… Yeah I looked through her books… Still, I don’t think I’ve even remotely grasped the concept… Yet! 😉

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Karma – Get It Started?

Several weeks ago after working my last double shift on a Sunday at a job I despise, I got called at 3:30 AM! It’s an emergency, she’s sick and needs to go to the hospital can you come in? But I’m already working the evening shift. That would be back to back double shifts with no more than a few hours sleep! But it’s an emergency! I go in, I’m helping out, I tell myself over and over again.

It’s a mad house. Busier than it’s been in a while. I’m so tired and fatigued that I don’t really feel my legs. I have to consciously tell my self, breath in, breath out. So I make myself a cup of tea.

A customer asked me to cash out what I thought was €150. I swore I saw €150 on the machine. I pay him.  I go cash out the machine, but it’s only €50. He swears I only gave him €50. His word against mine. I have to take the hit. I just worked 10hrs for FREE! I have a meltdown, swore up & down that I was going to quit. But found my way safely off the roof. … I was really hating life & everything it encompasses.

A few days later, I was on my way to the job I hate, cursing every moment. As I approached the bus stop in front of the Costigan’s on Washington St. there was an old man dressed in all black with a black backpack walking along and just fell over. He was trying to get up, pulling on the partition post out side the pub to get him self up, but he just didn’t have the strength.

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When I got over to him I asked if he was OK. He said that he just needed to get on his feet. When I helped up you can tell he had a few. He held on to the partion post but his swaying was more than the post can manage. I held on to him and looked for something for him to sit down on. There were chairs out side the pub but I couldn’t hold him up and get the chair at the same time. There was a group of young men just chatting away not more than 2ft away.

“Excuse me! Excuse me! Can you grab that chair for me so that he can sit down?” One chap turned suddenly & jumped into action once he saw the situation. Then it was as though every person in front of the pub rushed in to help out. Even one of the bar men (I think) came out to help. It was surreal & amazing! Just then my bus came to take me to my crappy job that I despise. I got no hassel when I excused myself. He was being looked after.

I got on the bus. Sat next to an over weight woman alseep and drooling. I put a tissue under her chin so the slobber won’t get on her clothes. I sighed. I hate this job. I hate it! I hate it! I HATE IT! We’re understaffed & overworked. There is a nasty mean co -worker … at least she’s on holiday for 3 months… *sigh*…

I get into town early. Have a coffee at Nosh. Trying to get my head around the next 10hrs of work. … *Breathe In*… I hate this job … *Breath Out*… I still hate this job… Time to go to work…

“Hi” I say to the girl I’m taking over from.

“We have a new girl starting next week.”

“Wait? What? Really? … Part time or full time?”

“Full time. She wants 40hrs.”

My head started to spin! No more double shifts! No more 60+ hr weeks. I can sleep for more than 5 hrs! I can see what life is like during the day! I can go watch a movie! At a theater even! I can cook dinner at home! OMG! I wonder what the live in boyfriend looks like these days!

Needless to say, things got better.  I still hate my job. But with some rest, I have managed to come up with an exit plan. The new girl is working out wonderfully! She is such a delight! Don’t know what’s gonna happen when the nasty mean girl get’s back, but maybe if I can keep up the good Karma, it wouldn’t be so bad when she does.

I have no idea of how Karma works or even if it really exsist. But I guess it needs a kick every once in awhile to get it started in a good direction.

 

Another Irish EuroMillion…

The other day another Irish citizen won I think €175 million!? I was told once some time ago about the luck of the Irish – It’s not always good luck…

Well just like last month when the Irish couple won their EuroMillions, I can’t help but to think what I would do with all that cash! So like last time here is my amended list to my last post about this…

1) All the things in my last post “I Won The Lottery” including spending  a whole day at a comfy coffee cafe with a few of  some kind of hot drink and a window seat to watch the world hussle by.

2) Nurses… They deserve so much more! … So there’s a hospital just off the Western Road here in Cork City. Maybe it considered to be on the Mardyk Road? I heard that it had closed down. I would like to reopen it and have the nurses run it. A nurses hospital if you will. Doctors will be hired in on a case by case basis. Also, part of the hospital will be designated for those doctors & nurses that also have proper degrees and liscenses to practice Eastern medicines like Acupuncture. Not the strip mall accupuncturist, but proper Doctors of Chinese Medicine and so on. AND lers not forget the dulas & midwives! Let’s have another ofbthe hospital for babies to be born…

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3) I’d like to give a cool millon to the Barrack Street Band. Being a recent member, I come ro know how much more they do than performing at Lord Mayor concerts & St. Patricks’ Day Parades. They provide opportunities to learn an instument, play in a band, competitions, etc… to disadvantaged families. They are terribly  underfunded or not funded at all. I really don’t know. But I know they desperately need new unifoms and a copier machine. General band equipment & instuments for people to play.

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3) I’d like to set up a series of science fairs & competions where each team will have to have one 5-7 yr old, one 8-12yr old one teenager, one 20 something & one 30+ year old.  Each team would be given a problem/topic that  all 5 members will have to work on with equal participation. Then when possible the invention, products, processes that come from it will be put into production. I hear about all these amazing inventions & processes that are being created that will save the planet and what not. I’ve been hearing about them for the last 20 years. Such things like chipping  plastic waste, adding them to cement to create a light weight durable bricks for houses. Edible cutlery & plastic bags. But I have not seen any of them for use to the general public.

4) I want to set up a trade school of sorts. A place where people can learn how to be self sufficent. Like how to cook a meal from actual food and not a packaged product that you just add water and heat in the microwave. Or build a shelf or even a shed. Or change a light fixture. Or make your own clothes. Or basic car maintenance.

5) I’d like to fund or set up something or have a campaign to have dogs & cat spayed or nuetured. Let’s say for the next year I’ll pay for all the spay and nueturing. So just bring your cat and or your dogs in to any available vet and have it done for free!

6) OK. Last one for now… I guess Ixd lime to help out the boyfriend’s family.  Let’s say a million to his parents. Then a million to each of his siblings. Of course he gets a million too. Also, I’d like to give a million to my best buddy Laurie as well. She deserves it. Plus I still owe her $500 from when bailed me out of a really tough financial situation. She would never ask for it back. But this would be a great excuse to pay it back with a mollion dollars in interest!

Well, it looks like I’ll go out and by myself a Euro Millions lottery ticket… a quick pick… Maybe a National Lottery one too… anf a Daily Million…

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My Simple Treatment To A Possible Diagnoses

There is no history of cancer in my family. None what so ever. I know you think I’m joking or that I’m going to drop a bomb on this, but seriously, not one case on either side in my family…

… OK … Maybe this is the bomb…

However, nearly every person on my Father side of the family, apart from my Father himself, (… that might be because he has not been tested…) has diabetes & multipal sclerosis… I need to add here that it’s my Fathers generation & older. My cousins, the data is still being collected. Many of them have either/and/or…

My Grandparents generation didn’t take any medication for their diabetes or MS.  Even though some were overweight according to today’s standards, they were active and the food was better. As in they didn’t have much in the way of processed food. Well OK, they had coffee, flour, butter, etc… but that’s the most of it. It was only when they “slowed down” because of age that either the diabetes and/or MS got to them. They all lived into their late 80’s. So you have to wonder if it weren’t  for the disease, would they have live another 10 or even 20 years?

I have diabetes. Type 1. I’m not on any meditations for it or take insulin.  I can manage through diet and exercise. However, in the last several months I’ve had intermittent numbness in my toes, unwarranted joint & muscle pain, brain fog, & extreme fatigue. Now granted, between the 2 jobs I’ve been working anywhere from 60 to 90 hours a week. But I’ve been busting my ass for over 30 years! So why now?

A blood test ruled out everything else. Will need to go in for an MRI & a spinal tap for a proper diagnoses. Then if I do have MS, then there’s medication to treat THE SYMPTOMS…

Just the symptoms…

This got me thinking… If all I can do is treat the symptoms why bother with the MRI & spinal tap? Because they cost money. I’m poor. Living paycheck to paycheck. No insurance. No medical card.

My Grandparents, Great Uncles & Aunts lived with MS & diabetes into their late 80’s without any medications. Dr. Terry Whals ( Google her ) talks a lot about her MS & how she is managing it through diet.  I don’t personally know anyone who has MS and is managing it through diet, but it stands to reason that if my Grandparents generation managed without medication, & reports from an actual doctor with MS manages through diet, that maybe I can do the same? That instead of spending copious amounts of time money on medications & doctor visits, is to spend the time & money on tweaking my diet & lifestyle?

Eat better, live better … Seriously, what can it hurt?

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I Nearly Quit My Job

I nearly quit my job

Another double shift on Sunday 16hrs no breaks,

Scheduled to do a 10hrs on Monday night, but got a call @ 3:30am … AM …

Tired, fatigued, exhausted, back to back double shifts, 32hrs in a 48hr period,

I nearly quit my job

OK, I’ll help out, OK just one more time, OK I’ll help out until there’s more staff,

3 years later…

I nearly quit my job

Tired, fatigued, exhausted… Tired, fatigued, exhausted…

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes… One costing me €100 …

FUCK! I just worked 10hrs for FUCKIN’ NOTHING! …

I nearly quit my job

The anxiety, chest tight, throat tight, shaking, shaking, can’t breath

Customers panic, are you OK, are you Ok, are you OK…

Dizzy, but still on my feet, calm down, calm down, calm down…

I nearly quit my job

I had it planned.

I’ll finish this shift, & not come in for the next…

I’ll finish this shift, & give 2 weeks notice…

I’ll finish this shift & quit in February before Tet…

I’ll finish this shift & quit when she comes back from holidays …

I’ll finish this shift & quit after I’m back from my holidays …

I’ll finish this shift & …

I nearly quit my job

If you hate it just quit!

If it’s affecting your health just quit!

If management won’t do that, or this just quit!

If it’s taking away from your happiness just quit!

If it’s destroying your relationships just quit!

Just quit! Just Quit! JUST QUIT!

I nearly quit my job

But what about my rent? I live paycheck to paycheck, the rent is going up

But what about my bills? Not that I have many, I’m very frugal, but they keep asking for more

But what about food? I guess I’ll go without

I nearly quit my job

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I Won The Lottery!

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I WON THE LOTTERY! … No I didn’t … It was the  Connolly’s in County Down.  €130 Million Euro … So of course, to help me work through my grief of not winning and knowing at this point in my life the fact that I will ever win anything more than €2 on a scratch ticket, I’m going to tell you what I would have done if I won 130 Million Euro.

  1. Well yeah I’m gonna pay all my bills and pay off all my debt… (€129 Million)
  2. I want to give money to the Cork Life Centre ( https://corklifecentre.org/ ) I was, and maybe still one of those kids. I hated school, esp high school with a passion. I even dropped out for a semester, but was forced back. I worked my ass off to graduate on time. All on my own with no help from anyone that you would normally depend on. Cork Life Centre is grossly underfunded and those kids are well worth every effort (€127 Million)
  3. I’m very detached from my family back in the US, as in we don’t interact. After my “Mother” passed away and I gave up my 40% of  the inheritance to my Brother, he would send a Christmas card with a photo of my Nephew every year now. Regardless of all that has happened. He is family, and my Nephew, isn’t part  of all our drama. I would want my Nephew to get along in life. So I would give him in a trust fund of some sort of a million euro. But he can only take out $50K a year for 20 or so years starting on his 25th birthday (€126 Million)
  4. I want to give money to Cork Penny Dinners. ( http://corkpennydinners.ie/new-about )  I’ve been there. Not having my meals there. I mean I’ve been there where I was so strapped for cash for so long, food became a luxury. Where the only morsels I ate for days were the free samples given out at various grocery stores. If only I had a place where I could sit down and have a decent meal with no questions asked. (€124 Million)
  5. I want to buy the buildings down on the corner of Vicars Road and Poulladuff Road here in Cork City. It’s where there was a furniture store, and before that was a carpet store and a Tile King.  I want to turn it in a recycle, upcycle, re purpose, fix it don’t bin it, learning old trades, do it yourself workshop area. The idea is to have trades people, like electricians , carpenters, etc… there to help you fix your own broken stuff or re purpose your unwanted stuff. For example you might have a chair that your dog chewed through the cushions. You can take the chair in and  not only will someone be there to show you how to reupholster it, but you will have to tools and supplies to do it with. There will also be space for you to do it yourself if you already know how. It will be a where you can learn to spin wool into yarn or have cooking lessons! Where craft groups can get together & be creative. Anything goes really. I would put it all in motion and then donate to Cork Environmental Forum to manage if they want. (http://www.cef.ie/ )  (€115 Million)
  6. This is a big big one. I want to start off by buying 20 houses in Cork City. Fix them up so that they can be rented out to homeless families. Here’s the hitch: Each family would have to agree to participate in this community.  These families all have skills and talents that they can contribute. Maybe one was a legal assistant, another a plumber, another a tailor/seamstress. They would all have to volunteer their skills to the other families in this community. Each house would have a garden to grow their own veggies. Each house would have some sort of renewable energy source and water collection. There will be a doctor, accountant, gardener, electrician, plumber, carpenter that would be on retainer to call into the homes when needed. The families will pay for their own utilities. The rent would be calculated per month as such: €30-€50 property tax, €100 to me, €250 for the trades, €100 invested back into the community to expand. So rent for these families would range from €480-€500 per month. Now that’s only a super duper rough outline. But I would have enough money to give it a go… (€100 Million)

OK… After all that, It will leave me approx €100 Million to still do whatever the hell I want. … I think I will go to one of my favourite coffee shop and get a large Americano with a deep kiss of honey. Sit next to a window and just watch the world go by for the whole day!

Observations Going Into 2019

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Every year my friends, family, co workers, & classmates all are so relieved that the previous year is over and how the new year is going to be  SO AWESOME! We go through the year without changing the way we do or think about anything, and by the end, that year can SUCK IT! And the new year , the new hope will solve all our problems and make us so ridiculous happy! … I’m rather sick of it..

I’m hoping to break this cycle of yearly disappointment. I don’t have a game plan. I really don’t have a clue. But maybe if I make an observation, I can go from there?

… People love watching other people be mean to each other.

The most viewed videos on YouTube are the ones of people yelling, screaming and fighting. I see all those videos posted up on Facebook & Twitter, about how some  guy started a fist fight with another guy over the type of cup their over priced decaffeinated almond milk macha green tea latte came in. People laugh and re-post and make their own banal comments starting cyber fights, posting more videos that are meaner to out do the previous video and more and more people are being become meaner and meaner.  Regardless of all the psychology behind this, or the excuses, or even reasons, people find watching 2 people verbally abusing & beating the crap out of each other over something trivial as entertainment. I first noticed this when that show “Curb Your Enthusiasm” came out in the the early 2000s. (Not to say that it hasn’t been going on for centuries before.) That one woman that was constantly yelling and swearing and abusing everyone, what’s her name? Everyone loved her! I heard/read how people would stop the actress that played her just to hear her yell and swear at them. I found her character rather annoying. I didn’t say that she did, because if I did then I would have been immediately sent to the stocks where everyone would throw rotten slurs at me in hopes to make themselves seem more cultured and in tune to the rhythms of society. People love watch other people being mean to each other. People love being mean. People are mean.

… Along these same lines, people love watching people get hurt… 

Again, with the You Tube, again with the Facebook & Twitter. All the same, but now it’s videos of people taking a chance, being daring, trying something new, but something goes wrong…  They fall off the trampoline and crack their neck, they slide out onto the ice, slip, break their tailbone and fall through the ice, they slip off their skateboard and crush their balls on the stair rails… And heaven forbid you might cringe, or feel bad for the skateboarder that took a chance and crushed his balls! May the social out casting being! And just the same, people post and comment relentlessly more & more brutal and tragic videos trying to out do each other on who is the dominate trend setter. Say nothing about Childish Gambino – This Is America. Have you watched it? Did you get anything from it other than thinking that it was either  rubbish or brilliant? … How far do we need to go before we stop laughing and making fun of people getting hurt and injured?

… I’ll do one more… I have a bunch of other observations in mind, but they may all be how people interact with me particularly. But this one I think a lot of people can relate to… both men and women…

…  Women trying to out bitchy each other…

Now I’m sure I’ll have every woman up in arms about this, every feminist ready to lynch me with how dare yous. I’m a woman. Even though most of my friends are men, I will see this as a woman and this is an observation that I have made numerous times. I don’t know if there is a male version of this. There probably is but I would have no idea how it manifest, because I am not a man….

I don’t know if it’s a diva thing or maybe an inflated sense of entitlement thing or just plain old competition? I don’t know how to even begin to explain it. It comes in many different forms…  One form of it might start with a legitimate complaint about a nasty comment one woman said about another about her clothes but then it spirals down to”…how dare she…”, and “…I would never…”, “… That’s just the way I am, and I’m not changing…” It spirals down into a chaos of bitchy righteous indignation & petty accusations … During this whole bitch fest, there wouldn’t be one comment or thought of the other side, or why. Why was that nasty comment made in the first place? OK, maybe it was because she was a nasty person? OK, why is she so nasty? Well, she’s always been nasty? OK, why is she always so nasty? Well, her whole family died in a car accident when she was in her 20s … Now, how productive was that bitch fest? … Another form would be some woman bitching about how people are not doing things for her and how people are not treating her in the way that she feels that she “deserves”.  The word deserves is use very loosely here… When someone calls her on her bitchiness, then there is another whole tirade of how she’s not being accepted for who she is… And there’s the rub…

I think I will have to write another bitty on this thing about women trying to out bitchy each other ‘coz I can’t put it all into clean concise outlines, sentences, paragraphs … Maybe that’s why nobody really approaches the topic and it just runs rampant like black mould in a damp bathroom.

So, getting back to what I was saying at the beginning… Maybe some of the reasons why flip the bird to the passing year and have such high hope for the new one, is because all we remember from the previous year is mean people arguing, & fighting, adventurous people getting hurt, and women being bitchy divas. It’s no wonder …

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