11 August 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

I’m way too tired to write tonight…

Sprite ran off this morning … We were at Tory Top early. We were there at 8:45am! We kept walking around the park for about an hour before anyone else showed up with dogs for Sprite to play with. My friend and neighbour Christian from up the road came by with his dog Luna. We stood in the shade and talked about classical music and a CD that he was going to give me with commentary on classical music compositions. Sprite was running with other dogs. Whenever she went around the corner of the pitch, I would call her back. She’d come back, I’d pat her on the head and then she was off again to play with another dog.

… But I got caught up in conversation and didn’t see her go around the corner of the pitch. I didn’t see her go around the next corner of the pitch. When I finally noticed that she wasn’t in sight she had gone to the other side of the park. I called to her and she trotted around the corner of the pitch but I think she thought I was calling her from outside the park because we usually don’t stay at the park that long. So she just trotted off right through the gate out into the road. … I called out to her but she didn’t come back! I ran out but she was around the corner into Reendowny before I could get close enough for her to see me. I kept running, but I couldn’t catch up. I kept calling but she wasn’t coming back.

There was a Reendowny boy named Ryan that ran with me and went down smaller roads and back to let me know if he saw Sprite. He was so good…

I got down to Pouladuff Road and saw Orlah. I asked her if she saw Sprite and she said no. So I was thinking that Sprite might still be around Nuns Walk, or went back to Tory Top. I called Ricky to let him know, and he said that our Landlady’s Daughter just called him and told him that Sprite was waiting outside our door. So I ran up to our house, but she wasn’t there. I went a couple doors up to our Landlady’s house and asked her if she saw Sprite. She said that her Husband and Daughter went after Sprite up the road toward Deerpark. Ryan and I then ran up to Deerpark and there she was! Christian and Luna was there, and Luna being the incredible black rough coat German Shepard was doing what German Shepards do and making sure that Sprite didn’t leave the park. Our Landlady’s Daughter and Husband were there too to keep and eye on her, until I was able to get there…

I was so relieved … So, so relieved. … In the back of my head, I was worried that those dog thieves that are running rampant here in Ireland would somehow get a hold of her and use her as a bait dog for their illegal dog fighting ring. … But we got her back … Even though I was out of my mind with worry, even though I was upset that she ran off, I was actually really proud of her. She knew where home was. … Not many of us can say that we know as much …

There was 1 death today due to Covid-19,
and 35 new confirmed cases here in Ireland

9 And 10 August 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

Another weekend come and gone where I feel that I have not accomplished anything…

Yesterday was a whole roller coaster of socializing anxiety. … You see, I don’t have *A* circle of friends. I have many small circles of friends, that rarely ever mix because they are very different people with very different interests. It’s not as though the different circles would be waring or at odds with each other or against each other. They’re just wonderfully different. So if they ever mix, it’s awkward with very little common ground other than ME … And yes, I feel responsible, taking on the duties of the “common grounds keeper” making sure that everyone is happy and involved.

Yesterday, Ricky, Sprite and I got an invite to my friend “Chess Dave”‘s house for some socializing in his beautiful back garden in the sun & Sprite’s play date with Chess Dave’s dog Bobby. Ricky and Chess Dave are from 2 very different circles with very different interests, so the my anxiety was through the clouds! Ricky and Chess Dave met before, and Ricky Sprite and I were over at Chess Dave’s house before as well. But there were other people there that bridged over the gaps. Yesterday it was just me, Ricky, Dave and the pups.

I wanted to bring over food. Because food is always a good ice breaker. I made 3 salads. A carrot, raisen, peanut salad with a mild curry dressing. A quinoa salad made up like couscous. And an old fashion tuna pasta salad. I also took a chance and baked some sourdough bread using Squeee The Sassy Sourdough Starter…

About a month ago, after making something like 16 loaves of sourdough, and birthing 3 other starters, Squeee was nearly depleted. So, I gave him a 3 wk vacation on the window sill with his best girl Beatrice the orchid, Tuck the bonzied Kentucky Ivey, and the exotic Droplet that I brought over from Barcelona. 2 weeks ago I tried to make a sourdough loaf and it failed miserably. I got worried, thinking that there was something wrong with Squeee. Last week I tried again. It was a little better but still, it was so dense that you could use it as a door stop. Now I’m thinking that Squeee may have passed away into that good night. But I took some recommendations, and fed him everyday and sure enough he came back to life to make this!

… It came straight out of the oven into a cloth bag and it and everything and everyone else was hustled over to Chess Dave’s house …

… We got there, the gifts were given, and the food was put out. Chess Dave roasted a lamb shoulder. I gave a short tai chi lesson to Chess Dave’s Mom who is 90 years old! She’s still walking and driving and voluteering at the meals on wheels, because … get this … because she wants to help out the “old people” ! … We sat out back with food, beer, whiskey and conversation … Thank Goodness for the dogs! When ever the conversation wore thin, Sprite & Bobby were on que to entertain us all until another topic of interest was unveiled! …

I was exhausted by time we got home, and all I wanted to do is lay down and binge watch Avatar. I’m finally getting around to it. So many of my students recommend it, but after watching the goodness awful movie, The Last Airbender, I just couldn’t bring myself to it. My students swear that it’s way better than the movie. After several years, and several students, I relented and started watching it. … And sure enough, my students were right. It is better than the movie. Though I wouldn’t say it’s the best series I’ve ever seen…

Today, I thought I was busier than I was … I got some emails responded to. Set up my new voice mail, set up a new Skype account, worked out and rescheduled AGAIN my Eir installation, worked out my order with Playwell Martial Arts … It just doesn’t seem like enough…

At 2pm we took Sprite out to Tory Top Park to meet up with her Foster carer Brian. We were wondering if she would remember him, or how she would react to seeing him. … She ran up to him at first, but then back away real quick and started barking at him. It was nearly heartbreaking to see! Brian has done so much with her to help her come out of her shell. When we first met Sprite, she was so attached to Brian that we didn’t know if we would be able to bring her home. Now she was barking at him! … Ricky, hit it on the nose though. We didn’t know what was going on but Ricky said that by seeing Brian again, she might be thinking that he was going to bring her to another new home. … She eventually came around and sat next to Brian and let him pet her. … Sprite didn’t want to go out for her evening walk, and we wondered if she though that we might be giving her away, but again we managed to convince her that it was all OK, and she’ll be back home with us after her walk/run/fetch.

I didn’t do anything else today …

Nobody died in Ireland from Covid-19.
There were 57 new confirmed cases …

8 August 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

Another very slow day in class. Brought Sprite to class with me from 9am to 12noon. Unfortunately no one showed for black belt conditioning and black belt class. They all had good reason, like a localized lock down of their county … Had one student for brown belt, and 6 for beginner’s. It was a really nice day so I wanted to make class worth their time. Because instead of enjoying the wonderful weather doing whatever in the sun, they came to class! … But I just couldn’t squeeze an ounce of enthusiasm out of them. Well, I got a little when I was comparing how we do our punches with a Street Fighter character. It’s interesting to know that the whole Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter franchises are still going strong despite all the other other gamer type games that are out there! … Anyway, even though it wasn’t a high cardio, massive work out and training Saturday, trying to keep up the enthusiasm is ABSOLUTELY DRAINING! Blowing snot bubbles and drooling, I could barely stand up straight when I got home.

Ricky made and early dinner. I got corn on the cob still in it’s husks from Con’s the other day. I haven’t had fresh corn on the cob still in it’s husks in years! Corn on the cob isn’t very common here in Ireland. Back in Colorado, or for the most of the US, esp. West of the Mississippi it was pretty much a staple! Like the potato is here in Ireland. We’d save the corn husks and bring them to school to make creepy corn husk dolls and dried out the corn cobs to make corn cob pipes for our Grandpas on Father’s Day.

The best way to cook them when they have their husks is to wrap them in foil and bake them. The moisture from the husks will steam the corn, and give it a nice flavour. Another thing we use to do is buy a whole bushel, bake them all in their husks, just like I mentioned, but as soon as they came out of the oven and they were still steaming hot, we’d pull down the husks, but take them off, and tie 3 or 4 of the corn cobs together and then hang them to dry. They last forever at that point! So in the middle of Autumn, usually Thanksgiving, or Winter, we’d take them down and just boil them until they plumped back out! There you have it! Rehydrated corn on the cob! Tastes just as fresh as when you harvested it in late Summer!

… I miss some of those old … what would you call them? Traditions? Practices? …

Anyway, Ricky and Sprite have settled in for the most part. Sprite still wants to jump on Ricky, but Ricky is managing it better. He’s still a soft touch, and let’s her get away with far too much for my liking. But Sprite is smart enough not to do those things with me or to me … Which still makes me the disciplinary one…

I want to rant about the Covid-19 numbers today, but after my rant yesterday, there really isn’t anything new for me to rant about. 174 new confirmed cases … Those are the the numbers that we had back in April! WHAT THE HOLY HELL IRELAND! …

1 death and 174 new confirmed cases …

7 August 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

*** What follows is a pure and absolute angry rant. Some of it may be misguided, unfair, & unsubstantiated. But that is why it is called a “rant” instead of an argument…

Don’t blame the Irish government! Blame all those fucknuts that refuse to wear a mask or wear a mask to hold up their chins. Blame the whanktards that had lock down house parties. Blame those meat processing plants that didn’t adhere to the Covid-19 restrictions and protocols on purpose, thinking that they could get away with it because they were deemed essential. Blame the 120 some odd pubs that did the same over the bank holiday weekend. Blame the slimy butt nuggets that didn’t quarantine for 2 weeks when they came back to Ireland from where ever they were. Blame them! Don’t blame the government. … It’s because of those jerk moulds that the government is doing what they are doing. Localized lock downs, postponing phase 4, etc …

… It’s because of those snot maggots that I might have to close my school down a 2nd time, which it most certainly will not recover from. …

If you’re going to blame the government, blame them for sacrificing our children to this pandemic, rushing them back to school so that their parents are free to go to work … Where? … Who knows? We just know that whatever “job” it is, it’s not the greatest. Because if they have to depend on the public school system to babysit their kids under the guise of education while they toil away it can’t be good … But they need to get back to work at all costs, to save this broken economy so that the grotesquely rich can stay gross. … One of my younger students was right in saying that the government will close down all the schools if there is an inch of snow on the ground, but in the middle of an infectious & deadly pandemic? GET YOUR ASS IN CLASS! … And put on this mask while you’re at it …

… I had another conversation with another one of my students and he brought up a very good point. When your’re poor, you’re poor no matter what the economy is like. You just make do. Can’t afford to buy that cup of coffee from the corner shop, so you go home and make a cup of instant. But there’s a lot more to lose when you’re use to having money to spare. It’s no longer whether you can afford to buy a cup of coffee, it’s not being able to make your car payment, or pay your mortgage, or your Sky TV … It’s as if you are free from the economy when your poor, a slave to it when you have money to spare …

Yeah, I’m on a tirade … I have a paying student from the midlands that won’t be able to come to class for the next 2 weeks because of the localized lock down of the 3 midland counties. I’m concerned about his health & safety. I’m also concerned about the health and safety of all my other students that have come into contact with him. … Do I need to lock down the school and ask all the students to quarantine for the next 2 weeks to be absolutely sure? … I do need to inform everyone … How will that effect the already minimal attendance? … I might have to close down because no one will show up.

… And to answer that nagging question … Yes, I have a student that drives down every weekend from Offly to study Shaolin at my school. He shows up at 9am, meaning he left home at 6:45am on a Saturday morning. He stays until 3 pm sometimes depending on what seminars I’m teaching, he’ll stay until 6pm, and then drives all the way back to Offly. … Dedication at it’s finest … Now because of those snot rot dung heaps, the government locked down his county so he can’t come to class, and I might have to close down the school …

There were 4 deaths and 98 new confirmed cases of Covid-19 here in Ireland …

24 July – 6 August 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

Took a long break from writing this blog … Though, I’ve been writing this 1st paragraph over and over for the past few days … I have a lot banging around in my head, most of which is rather dark and dreary. … And it really hurts … But after the last blow out several weeks ago when people got offended, feeling that the way I manage my depression & anxiety was a slight against them … Or victimizing me so that they can swoop in and save me … Or use it as an opportunity to tell me how I’m doing it all wrong … Or to use it as an opportunity to be patronizing & condescending … Or whatever … It all went sideways, and I felt that I was on trial, desperately trying to prove my innocence. Trying to prove that my depression & anxiety wasn’t premeditated, or an attack on their characters. … Needless to say, I’m a rather reticent about writing this blog now. … I just don’t want to go on trial again. I’ve been on the stand so many times, and each time I get a little more hollow, a little more distant … I know that I said I can’t keep my mouth shut, which is true, evident in the very fact that you are reading this. And I will have to be more creative in my writing to lead people astray while still expressing myself in either or both my depressive and/or anxious states. But life has gotten busy and the creative juices just ain’t flowin’ … Along with my apprehension, a 12 day absence has occurred

… I’m back to writing this blog because I need to write. Now to be clear, the “need” to write doesn’t guarantee “good” writing … I need to write because if I don’t, it manifests itself into physical aches, pains and even illnesses. Left unchecked, it comes out fits of frustration and anger which will result in nearly braking my wrists on the edges of a door … Yeah, that happened about a week and a half ago … Not my proudest moment …

… Let me start again … Let me reiterate … again … What it is like in my head… Imagine needing to untangle a ball of very fine and brittle thread the size of a basketball ball while sitting on a very narrow median during a traffic jam at rush hour that was caused by an “I’m not wearing no fuckin’ mask!” protest/riot that broke out just across the street, and the cops are all geared up in riot gear swinging batons and firing rubber bullets & tear gas into the crowd. And because the swarm of locust that just blew in with the massive dust storm is so thick, the cops & the rioters & everyone can’t see who’s who, so they’re just going after everyone! And there you are trying to untangle this ball of fine brittle thread, that keeps breaking, so you tie the broken pieces together just to have another length of it break when you’re trying to untagle it. You’re getting NOWHERE! … FUCK! That’s a tear gas canister that just fell in my lap! And For Fuck SAKE! ARE YOU SHOOTING RUBBER BULLETS INTO MY BACK!? … That’s my head 24/7 …

Writing let’s me pull that tangled ball of thin brittle thread out of my head and see that it’s not the size of a basketball, it’s only the size of a tennis ball. And it’s not brittle, I’m just pulling to hard. When it’s out of my head I can be sarcastic & cavalier about it, where I can’t be that creative when I’m trying to dodge a swinging baton & swarming locust…

I’m sure that a lot you are hurt by me writing this blog in this way because instead of confiding in you, I’m writing and posting it for the world to read. … I actually don’t have much in the way of kind words to say about this, so maybe until I do, I should avoid commenting on it. … But it looks like I am going to anyway … You do not own my confidence … If I am not confiding in you about my troubles, it means you’ve cut me to the quick one too many times, by not listening, forcing unsolicited advice, being dismissive, scolding me, or a variety of other unsavory acts … It takes a rare sort to do nothing but listen and make no comment or judgement. Writing this blog is the closets I get to that. The very act of reading this, means I have their attention. Very rarely are there any comments. If there are it’s helpful hints on the day to day. If there are any judgements, I don’t know about them, because they keep it to themselves and I don’t give a rats left testicle if they gossip about it to their “friends”. … Or it may simply be that I don’t want to bother you with it, or impose on your time. … So there, another reason why I write about these dark apparitions that fester and rot in my head… And it’s quick and easy … And it’s like pressure release valve … And it’s like whatever other analogy you can come up with.

…Here’s another reason why I write all these things out and post them … They’re drafts … 1st draft, 2nd draft … I tend to write about the same things over and over again. Each time I write about whatever, I can explain it just a little bit better. Maybe, I can put a different perspective on it, or come back and completely refute an earlier statement. … Untangling that ball of thread … People don’t think that learning how to explain the way you think & feel takes practice. So yeah, this blog is like a dress rehearsal …

… What other reasons do I have? … What other analogies do I have? …

Well, for now let me finish up this part by reiterating what I have said in earlier posts … My depression & anxiety is not a premeditated attack on you. I did not become depressed & anxious on purpose. I have had depression & anxiety long before any of you came into the picture. I have survived my depression & anxiety for over 40 years now, so please trust that I might know something about how it works for me. I feel that I have been very open about it, and even have gone as far as coaching you all in what I need from you. Please understand & respect that. …

Much of what’s bouncing around in my head these past 12 days would probably be better put in it’s own separate blog posts. Or I’ll just catch up with them in this string of blog posts. So, I think I’ll leave it at that and start anew tomorrow …

There were 5 deaths
and 69 new confirmed cases of Covid-19 here in Ireland …

… Now here’s a stickler for me … new cases are on the rise. We were doing so good, but people are being fucknuts and not observing the protocols and now we’re headed for a 2nd wave and possibly another lockdown …

22 And 23 July 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

I can’t even begin to tell you how badly my legs and knees hurt last night … After classes I laid down on the futon whimpering like a child. Whimpering like I did so many decades ago when I was a kid. … It was for me a regular run of the mill sorta day, apart from feeling a little more animated. Even though there were only 5 people in class last night, it was a fun class to teach. A couple of my students were themselves more animated than usual so we all had a great time working hard and being goofy. …

There is a movie called “Tales From Earthsea” that I’ve been trying to watch for a while now. But everytime I try it’s late at night and I end up falling asleep somewhere in the middle of it. I feel bad because the implication is that I fell asleep because it’s boring. It’s just timing, I’m so tired that I would fall asleep during a 5 alarm fire. I tried to watch it again last night and again I fell asleep somewhere in the middle … I was hoping that the thought of seeing dragons and why they are in the movie would keep me awake, but no … I fell asleep… But then I would wake up and back track the movie, watch a little more and fall asleep… I think after about the 15th attempt I just closed the computer and went to sleep on the futon, because I still couldn’t move my legs…

It was an interesting morning in a way. I took Sprite out for her morning walk/run/fetch and and I ran into Christian and his beautiful long haired, black German shepherd. We started talking while I flung the ball for Sprite. Sprite promptly loses the ball and doesn’t come back with it. Usually I would go searching for it, but I was talking about philosophy and religion and I didn’t want to break up the conversation. We talked for a good long while, not just about philosophy and religion, but about a whole range of old classical music like baroque, romantic, renaissance, etc… music and their famous composers. … I didn’t realize the J.S. Bach had 3 Sons that were prominent composers themselves. I thought there was just the one … Finally I found another person who doesn’t like Mozart. As I’ve said before, I understand that he was a genius, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like his music. It’s been a good long time since I was able to have intelligent conversation at length.

… Now a bunch of you are going ape shit over what I just wrote, because you think that I’m saying that you’re stupid ‘er something. That the conversations we’ve had recently weren’t “intelligent” enough and that I didn’t enjoy them … What I have to say to that is; Stop it! Please just Stop! … I feel like it would be a fallacious exercise if I have to explain it. No matter what I say or how I say it someone will be offended. So I implore you all to consider the trouble times that we all are facing and to explore the possibilities that seemingly innocuous conversations such as gastric intestinal recurrences, or the capriciousness of our pileous quadruped campions are just as important and necessary as the touted “intelligent conversation”.

… OK back to the morning… So, while Christian and I were talking about the Bad Boys Of Baroque, Sprite and Luna got bore and started chewing on either end of a large fallen branch that we were standing near. It was classic! I honestly wished that I can my phone with me so that I can take a picture or a video, but then realized that some things are best experienced in the moment. … Ah! It was cuteness overload! Really it was!

It was a really nice day, so I did Sweet Shag All … Well, I did go to Con’s to buy our fruit and veg for the week … but that’s it. Took Sprite out for her afternoon walk at The Lough. It was really mellow there. I was expecting Pier 31 again like back during the June bank holiday. Maybe, everyone was sufficiently sunburnt and the whole lounging at The Lough lost it’s Springtime novelty appeal…

… Hey! I finished watching “Tales From Earthsea”! I was watching it while I’ve been writing this!… Not bad, I liked it. Still “Spirit Away” and “Princess Mononoke” are my favourites from the Ghilbi Studios,… or is it Studio Ghilbi? …

Well, I have about an hour until I take Sprite out for her evening walk/run/fetch… So, I might come back and write more afterward …

22 July 2020 There was 1 death
and 17 new confirmed cases of Covid-19 here in Ireland…

… Nothing more to report really. Took Sprite out for her evening walk. She has an obsession of sorts with soccer balls in motion. Once they’ve stopped and are just sitting there, she has no interest. I took her to our usual Deerpark to run her down with the fling it tennis ball, but there were 2 groups of young people kicking soccer balls around. I thought I’d take a chance and let her off her leash/lead so that we can fling the ball. I was fine for the 1st 3 flings and then off she went chasing the soccer balls between the 2 groups. … There was no catching her … At least one of guys realized that it was me that was trying to catch her, picked up the ball so that I can get her back on the lead.

We went down to a different field/pitch/park to fling the ball. After she was sufficiently tired, we went back to the 1st park/pitch/field and flung the ball a bit more until she was so tired that she just laid down next to the ball, instead of bringing it back … Mind you, this does not mean that she is ready to go home. … You wonder if she hadn’t studied Martin Luther King Jr. and Civil Disobedience… I put the lead on her and tell her that it’s time to go home. She’ll walk about 6 feet and then just lay down in her peaceful protest. I let her lay there for a few minutes and then give a tug on the lead and again tell her it’s time to go home. She gets up, walks 6ft and plops down. … Rinse & Repeat … Tonight she was particularly ornery and we had to go through this process about 8x before I got her out of the park! … I can’t really get angry, because it’s rather clever. … I can’t seem to get angry over clever …

OK… I’m finishing up here. Ricky and I are going to watch a couple of episodes of “The Sinner” on Netflix…

Today, there were 9 deaths
and 7 new confirm cases of Covid-19 here in Ireland…

21 July 2020 = Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

Sprite’s finally settled from her late night crazies. … I don’t like her when she is like this. I don’t tolerate unruly dogs, especially my own. … *sigh* … Give me a moment to take a few deep breaths …

We’ve had her for 2 months today! So it was good timing when her giant snake and chew bones finally came in. It was suppose to be her on the 1 July. But the package got damaged or lost. Zooplus was very good to offer me a refund, but Sprite needed another toy to mad dog. She’s getting another long toy to mad dog soon from one of my Best Buddies back in the States. Sprite will soon be able to have a mad dog toy in every room and some to rotate in and out so that she doesn’t get bored with one and then decide to chew or mad dog our shoes and pillows. She is a good dog for the most part. As Ricky says, about 95% of the time. And that is true, but it’s that last 5% that ruins everything and shoots my anxiety through the roof.

I was hoping that she would be much further along by now. I know that the experts say that it can take months even years for a dog to feel safe around other people Yes, I need to be patient. But patience requires time, and I don’t feel like I have much time. I need to get her to where we can have friends come over and check on her, or for her to go and stay the night or 3 at a friends house while we are away. I need to do this soon, because as the lock down restrictions ease, there’s going to be more family do’s, more significant birthdays and other ceremonies that will take me and Ricky away for several hours or even days. … How am I going to get her to that point when I can’t even get her to stop jumping on Ricky?

Sprite came to the school with me for about 2 hours through practice hour and the first half of black belt class, before Ricky dropped by to pick her up. I only had 1 black belt in class today. Sprite managed enough courage to take a treat from his hand. Otherwise she kept pacing back and forth, about 3ft in front of him. When I got class started Sprite took my spot in front of the class and just started at him while he was doing his forms. It was curiously entertaining …

… Went into town today. It was crowded … Did see a lot of people wearing masks, but not everyone. I saw big bright signs all saying that wearing masks are mandatory in whatever shop. But when you went in, not everyone was. … I’m kinda giving up. I was noticing that I was getting angry, but really, how is other people not wearing masks my problem? I don’t have the power to fix it. I will wear my mask and I will social distance. I will use the anti-bacterial hand sanitizer, even though Covid-19 is a virus, because it makes everyone feel better. But I swear if anyone without a mask comes to close to me inside a shop that they are required and says anything to me, I am going to sue them for assault. Being racially ambiguous, I’m not afraid to pull out the yellow card and scream racist. … Actually, that would make me part of the problem … I will settle on wearing the mask and keeping a minimum of 2 metres from everyone! And whenever possible, just isolate…

… My legs and knees ached so much more today than usual… Actually I don’t remember a time where my legs didn’t hurt. I remember as a kid whimpering at 3am because I couldn’t sleep. My legs twitched and ached so much. I think I was 7 years old when I first experienced Ben-Gay … There wasn’t a children’s variety back then, it was pure icey fire that my Father who was fed up with my whimpering got up and smothered my legs with it. Oh I cried! The sting hurt more than the pain itself! … Then it all went away and I fell asleep … I went to Hell that night, and I made it back!

Nobody died today because of Covid-19,
but the number of new confirmed cases jumped to 36!

20 July 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

I still don’t have enough time to do anything … 3 months of actual lock down and I was out and about 10x more than usual, couldn’t find time to do anything. Probably because I was sleeping in until 11 am and escaping into whatever I was binge watching on Netflix from 10 pm onwards. Sprite comes along 2 months ago, and finally I start dragging my oatmeal butt out of bed before 8 am to take her out for her morning walk/run/fetch, and I’m back before 9 am. An extra 2 hours to my day now! Nope! Still couldn’t find the time. … What in Hell’s half acre am I doing all day that I can’t find time to get my to do list done!? … Maybe, I’m phasing in and out of different universes losing hours in this one? … Simple things like posting videos or notes, emailing this person or that, do the freakin’ laundry, sweep the floor … gee whiz … when was the last time the bathroom was cleaned? And OH! Don’t talk to me about my toe nails … I use to pride myself on being organized, but lately … bleh …

I was told by many that I expect to do too much in one day. I even considered that myself. But I feel that if I was just a bit more organized I would have it all done! … I know, I know … There’s loads and loads of studies all done about it and I probably fall into some statistic or other. … I know that I need to have down time … And that’s where it catches me … They say your are suppose to have a balance , but what is the balance? It’s not 50/50! Then they say you have to find a good balance. Well, damnit. Isn’t that just a waste of time! Can’t the all powerful “They” give me a starting point to tweek?

… So today … I was up by 8 am out and back with Sprite by 9am. Fed and brushed Sprite … Her adult coat is coming in so nicely! I’m rather proud of myself for making up a good diet for her and keeping her on it! All the vets, and all that I’ve read say that dogs & cats shouldn’t shed as much as we may think. Shedding a lot is a sign of a poor diet. Once I got her puppy down brushed out of her, Sprite doesn’t shed much at all, esp in these past couple of weeks. Her coat is getting thick and a bit curly. So shiny and even silky. I can’t stop petting her sometimes! I’m happy too that she doesn’t have much of a smell off her either! … OK after I took care of Sprite, I watered “the garden”, and transferred some veggies to bigger pots. Managed to save an indoor ivy that Ricky had for a long time that we thought was completely dead 6 months ago. We had just put the pot aside and forgot about it. But in looking for bigger pots to put the other veggies in I notice a small bit of ivy growing from the wreckage. So I put that in a smaller pot and hopefully we can bring it back to it’s former glory. Kinda like Groot in Guardians Of The Galaxy. … I printed out Washee’s 2nd Black Requirement Sheets … I made and posted the advert for Yueh Fei 18 Con’t Postures & 8 Brocade seminar on social media & updated the website. I worked out payments with a student for that seminar. … Let’s see … I went and got groceries at both Lidle and Super Valu …

OMG! Lidle & Super Valu! What the HELL! With the new restrictions we’re suppose to be wearing face masks in all retail shops incl. grocery stores! But nope, people were being Americans! … OK … I’m being a bit unfair. There is a lot of confusion over the masks and how it is going to be enforced. And even during the peak of the lock down, we weren’t required to wear masks as long as we were socially distancing at 2 metres or more. So why now? Well, because were nearly out of lock down and more and more people are out and about and are more likely to be exposed. Simple. Anyway, there were no more face mask wearing than there was before the mandate. … I wore my homemade mask. The funny thing was that people seemed to know when I was smiling at the them! It’s neat to know that after 49 years, I know how to smile with my eyes!

On the way home I saw fire trucks and hoses in the street across from our house. Everyone on the street was out watching all the commotion. It turns out that a man was smoking out in his shed and it caught fire! Thank goodness no one was hurt!

Got home, unpacked the groceries, talked to Ricky a bit, went outside and sat in the sun for a little while, came back in played some GO. Responded to some texts and got confirmation on the seminar this Sunday. Ate some left over Chinese take away that dripped on my shirt. … Did a load of laundry … Wrote this post …

Nobody died today because of Covid-19 and only 6 new confirmed cases. There’s now a total of 1,753 deaths
and 25,766 confirmed cases here in Ireland.

19 July 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

If I only wrote this post 10 min earlier, it would be a very different post …

It stupid. When your as messed up and broken as I am. Riddled with anxiety and depression at THE SAME PHUCIN’ time, how everything can take an immediate about face. …

It wasn’t like it was a great day full of wonder and hope, but it was and easy enough day. Easy enough to where a bit of yourself, a bit of what you’re like, comes out in what is meant to be a bit of snarky playfulness… But it’s taken all out of context and now I just don’t want to any more …

Nobody died today from Covid-19,
and there were 10 new confirmed cases here in Ireland.

18 July 2020 = Covid-19 Blitherings Of A Silly Middle Aged Woman

There were 2 deaths
and 21 new confirmed cases of Covid-19 here in Ireland.

Yet another foggy brain, uneventful day. I got up around 7ish am but it was raining out. I started to get worried, because I have to get Sprite out for her morning walk/run all before 8:30am because I have to be in class teaching by 9ish am. But in a sleepy daze Ricky said that he’ll take Sprite out for her morning walk when the rain clears. So I quickly fell back to sleep until 8:20ish am where I had to get up and rush about to get ready for class. Thank goodness I’m only a 10 min walk from the school. Ricky was up and about, and we decided to take Sprite down to the school to meet some of my students and get more familiar with the school.

It was still raining out when we set off. Sprite has been at the school before so it was old hat to her. She still kept her distance from my black belts, but she wasn’t scurrying off into a corner. She actually seemed a bit curious about them. After about 10 min. Ricky took her back home, and I resumed classes.

It’s not something that you want to hear an instructor say, but it does happen … Classes were boring … I wasn’t feeling great. It’s been a week now that I’ve felt quizzy more often than not. I’m thinking that there’s a dead spider in my ear. Seriously, it’s happen before. I’ll tell you about that later. Anyway, not feeling well, didn’t let itself for me to be the enthusiastic motivating cheerleading instructor that you need on a rainy Saturday in a class where you can’t do shield work, or spar and can only do exercises and drills. Worse still, being quizzy, it was really hard to do any of the exercises and drills with the students without feeling like I was going to hurl … So it was a very tame class. I have 3 young teenage boys. I have to drag them through their training even before Covid-19, now it’s worse. Today they stood around and then wondered off and sat down watching the rest of us run through short forms. Honestly, I just couldn’t be arsed to encourage them to participate more in class, so I just let them sit.

After class, I did a Zoom with one of my besties back in Colorado at the school. My phone mobile data actually has a strong signal at the school where here at home it’s pretty weak. She’s getting her front and back gardens a complete overhaul. She gave me a live stream tour. It’s looking GREAT! It’s crazy how far we’ve come technologically. I still remember a time when a friend moved to a different country, all you could do is handwrite or type a letter. You would mail it and 2 weeks later they’d get it, then write you a letter, mail it, it would take another 2 weeks to get back to you, so a total of a whole month you’d have to wait to get an answer to a question you might have asked. Sure there was the “Long Distance” phone call, but they were expensive and were avoided. Now we Skype or Zoom and we get to see each other and have tours of each others garden and see each others pets all in real time … Not to mention answers to questions like “What spice was put on the fish we had the last time we went out to Sonora’s?” in just a few seconds! … We usually talk for about 5 hours, or more but Ricky was alone with Sprite all day and I said that I would be back by 6pm to take over Sprite duties, so I had to cut our conversation to 2 & 1/2 hours.

I got back home, ate some food, and fell asleep on the futon for nearly 2 hours. I got up, and took Sprite for her evening run/walk/fetch. We went up to Deerpark and toward the end of our outing we met a Caucasian Shepard puppy! Only 5 months old and already bigger and fluffier than Sprite. The 2 of them played and wrestled while I talked with the owner. … I could have watched them play for hours and hours, but it was getting late, time to go home and settle in for the night. …

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