Another Blog About “What The Phuc Do I Do Now…”

“… Now every dream gets whittled down, just  like every fool gets wise…”

~ Middleman by Bright Eyes

… I swear, I must be the wisest fool out there! … And how many times have I said that…

I’m done know. I have no more dreams to whittle down, and this fool is as wise as a fool  can be.

I’m nearly 50 years old, and there are dreams that I know will never happen. I will never  be an Olympian, or an astronaut, have a wedding or go on a honeymoon. I will never have a family of my own, and sadly, I will never own my own home. I will rent or be homeless until Zuker-nutz deposits his entire fortune into a high interest, liquid money market, off shore account with my name on it. The list goes on … and on … and on … Don’t bother  blowing all those dubious Facebook mantras of how it’s “not to late to live your dream” up my arse. There’s no more room!


I’m too choked up to even write about this… I’ve been sitting here in front of the computer for hours now. … I’m out of breath, it’s so hard to breath thinking of it … It running through my head right now, over and over again all the times I’ve come so close, so damn close but had to give it up…

… I just tried to write the list, but it just kept going on and on and it just sounds like some old coot dithering  about all the couldda woulddas …

We all make sacrifices, we all make the decision to do one thing or another. My story isn’t any different than yours, or yours, or yours… BUT I SO WANT IT TO BE! Then I will have every reason, to feel as horrible as I do for giving my very last …  Shoot I can’t even say it…

…*sigh*… OK…

I gave up my life, albeit a crappy life in the US to come to Ireland at the time with my then boyfriend, then suddenly husband, now known as “dickweed”, to open a martial arts school. When things got tough he bolted in a very slow grand fashion. But I stuck with it. I kept the school going though all of dickweed’s sabotage,  through the politics and more sabotage of other schools, through hunger, sickness, and financial short comings. I gave up social … “stuff”… I gave up comfort. I gave up heat during the Winters. I’ll be damned if I was going to pay a penny more to turn on the heat when I can throw on another shirt and shiver in a dark corner in silence. Yes! Yes! A DARK corner, because I’ll be damned if I wasted a penny on a light when the glow of street light coming through the window would due! … I went through Hell, several times over … And I did it willingly … Because up until now, the humble re wards were so so soooooo worth it…

… For the last year and a half the school has suffered a massive string of bad luck & bad timing. The list is long for such a short time…

… I don’t think I can recover the school and get it back up on it’s tender and fragile feet… I’m burnt out. I’m broken. My aches and pains remind me continuously that I’m growing old. I don’t have the wear with all anymore. … 12 years gone with nothing to show for it. … This school was my Hail Mary to make something out of my life even though people only saw me as a thick martial arts instructor. … I was hoping that my life would have carried more substance …

If I close this school down, which seem inevitable. There will be nothing left. …

… So what’s the point?… I have no money, no family … Friends these days forget quickly and easily … No reason … No reason whatsoever …




It Was Just A Shitty Job

5 Weeks now.

Still can’t sleep through a Sunday night.

Doing better with the other nights…

Well, Wednesday is still a bit rough. …

5 Weeks, and I’m still angry.

Goodness, it was just a shitty job that I did for 3 years.

You would think that I just got out of a co-dependant abusive relationship.

But I didn’t.

It was just a shitty job that I did for 3 years.

Sure I can make all the correlations between a shitty job and a abusive relationship.

Because that’s what it is, isn’t it?

But do the same break up rituals work on a shitty job you did for 3yrs?

Maybe a re-bound job? … But that means you’d work at an even shittier job…

That might just do me in, ‘coz the last one nearly did.

There are no photos to burn, no rumours to spread, no lawsuits, no vehicles for my own vindication … Life goes on..

It was just a shitty job I did for 3 years.

5 weeks gone, and I am still angry…

I know, I said that already.

Why am I still angry?

Why am I angry at all?

It was just a shitty job I did for 3 years.

I thought I would be better by now.

That I would be bursting with energy, that I would drop the stress weight I gain, that all the erratic aches & pains that would randomly crush me would disappear, that my satirical intellectual prowessness would suddenly return.


A student teased me when I complained; “Did you get your ‘medical bingo card’?

After realizing what it was, my only response was; “Do we get paid if we win?”

To be fair, I do have a bit more energy, but only enough to realize how broken I am.

I know these things take time, but it’s been 5 Weeks!

I know why I am angry.

That song. “California Numb” by Cloves

“… If you can only see me know, you can hear the punchline,

That I don’t like my face, or how I’m turning out…”

That’s why I’m so angry.

It’s been 5 Weeks, I’m not much better.

… And it was just a shitty job that I did for 3 years.



The Wait…

Geezays! When did I give in my notice to quit this Puke Stank Job? I think it was 3 years ago! … Or was it at the end of July? My good friend Brad asked me why I gave so much notice. Well, because I wanted to be a good person. This is the time that everyone is going on holiday (that’s vacation for my state side buddies). I’m helping out, covering shifts while they are away. Although I don’t owe casino anything I don’t want to leave them hanging esp. since I might need a reference. So I’m playing nice. However I’m seriously reconsidering….

Last week I got off the bus hunched over and heavy footed. Slogged over to the coffee shop where I will weep into a cup of coffee in hopes to build up enough gusto to go to work.  On the way I just happened to be at the bus stop, at the very moment the bus that would take me back home pulled up. The doors opened and I stood there staring into the bus. People came off, people got on, and still I stood there staring into that bus. “Are you getting on?” The bus driver asked… Oh my soul died a little as I squeeked out a “No.” and walked away. Why didn’t I get on that bus?

Of course to add insult to injury, that night one of the regulars stole €50 from me. Basically jumped on a slot machine that had not been cashed out and played it down. It’s on me because I was suppose to make sure the machines are cashed out before they are in use again. I think I had to pee and thought “Oh, she’s a regular it will be fine for the 3 min. I pee…” Well, no.  She saw the opportunity and took it. She probably thought that I was leaving in a couple of weeks so there won’t be any recourse… and no, there wasn’t. I worked 5 hours for free. … More reason to quit this Manky Ass Lick job.

I am doing the very minimum while I am at work, while I’m counting down the days. 5 more shifts left by the way. I don’t vacuum (hovering). I don’t buy the snacks for the customers, just make sure there’s enough milk for the night. I don’t take the trash out unless it overflowing, or clean the front window sills that people sit on, or sweep up the cigarette butts just outside the front door, because the customers couldn’t be bothered to step out of the doorway to smoke their cancer sticks and walk all of 2 steps to toss their butts in the ashbucket that’s attached to the side of the building. I don’t even clean the bathroom or mop the floor unless it’s obvious, or just enough so that I can use it. And guess what? NOBODY NOTICED! All this time I could have gotten away with just doing the bare minimum and it wouldn’t have make an ounce of difference, because being diligent certainly didn’t.

… 5 more shifts at this Genital Slime Rot job… 1 more week left … PHUC! THIS IS PURGATORY! This is the wait where every hour gets longer and longer! This is the wait where you contemplate the demise of all the customers. This is the wait where you purposely stress your self out by blowing up the severity & urgentcy of all the bills you owe, just so you wouldn’t reduce the workplace to ashes while walking off your shift.

THIS IS THE WAIT! … 5 Shifts … 1 Week … Oh goodness help me …




My Resolve Is Wavering

So it’s been 2 weeks since I put in my notice to my Gangerous Slime Rot job. There was a lot of support from all the people that I know about my decision and actually following through with the notice. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders. I still felt like Godzilla suckered punched me when walked through the door. The rage still boiled up within an hour of working there, but there was a bit of hope.

I started daydreaming of all the artsy fartsy projects that I would be able to finally, finally FINNALY finish. I can clean the house, organize all the “to be filed piles” that are scattered through out the house. I would hang out in my back garden (yard) fussing about, watching spiders spin their webs. I would practice my flute and study the game of Go/Baduk/Wei Qi in futile yet aspiring hopes of becoming a master. … I will train … Everyday… Rediscovering the Shaolin forms and techniques that I let fall to the wayside because of this Manky Piss Stank job.  … My GOODNESS!  All the writing that I would do… Not that I think that I have Earth shattering thoughts & concepts, or J.K Rowling level story lines. I just want to write. I imagine myself sitting in coffee shops with my laptop, sucking the very last drop of the free cup of coffee that I will get because of a full loyalty card that I’ve been hoarding for just such an occasion. There will be a gentle rain outside softly drumming on the window like a meditative mantra. A soft angelic halo of light would surround me as I tap out the ramblings of a mandrill baboon. Ahhhhh… It would .. will be GLORIOUS! …  I would walk with my head up high, a smile from ear to ear, and no hip pain from sitting on a stool in a cramped space for 18hrs at a time! OH! I can’t wait until September 5 2019, my last day at that Puke Slime job!

… I had to pay all my monthly bills last night… My account is down to €50.  The underwriters for my Public Liability insurance have pulled out, so I need to find a new insurer. Meaning I will more and likely have to pay 2x as much as before. The outdoor drain needs to be cleared €130. The night storage heating needs to be taken out €300. The sink faucets in the kitchen and bathroom need to be replaced because they don’t turn off completely and leak €360. The roof above the kitchen is leaking. … In one months time I have to pay out another €1500 just in bills. …

… My resolve to quit this job is wavering…

My Notice Is In!


I have offically given notice. In 6 & 1/2 weeks I will be FREE from this Gangrenous Puke Rot job!

It was rather anti-climatic…

All week end I was psych’n myself up for it. I refuse to engage in anything that involved money, look at my bank accounts or even count money. I didn’t want to chicken out… Taught a seminar Sunday morning, it finished up early, thought; ‘Great! I have an extra 2 hours! I’ll take a nap!’ And that’s what what I did. You’d think it would be restful, peaceful even, because all Sunday afternoon naps usually are. But no, every 10 min or so I’d open one eye and check my phone, not just for messages from work, but to make sure I didn’t over sleep. Finally I get up to get ready. Remeber from my last post, I have to go to the coffee cafe down the way from work an hour before my shift to psych myself up for the job, which means I have to leave another hour earlier to walk to the bus stop that takes about 20min. Wait for the bus – 10 min. Then depending on traffic another 20min to 50 min  on the bus. … But as I’m putting my things together I get a few calls and several messages; “… Are you on your way? … Where are you?… ” etc… I respond; “I’m not in until 6pm”



“You work at 4 … Did you look at the roster?…”

Turns out the roster was changed and nobody thought to tell me about it. No matter, I work it out. She can stay until 6pm. I get to work, Godzilla does his compulsory punch in the gut when I walk through the door and it’s non stop  equipment malfunction, noise, noise,  louder noise, selfishly self-entitled cranky customers, & small time amature semi criminals. I manage to get them out before closing at 2am I go home in bed By 4am @ 8am I get messages from the Assistant Manager letting me know all the fallacious reasons why I am not worthy of this Manky Piss Stain job…*sigh*… Typical shift at work – I am definately putting in my notice…

Now I’m motivated. I get on the computer I write my resignation letter:

22 July 2019

Dear Bozo, Krusty, & Pennywise

Please accept this letter as notice resignation  from my role as the company’s  doormat, employee dumping ground and customer’s punching bag. My last day will be Thursday 5 September 2019.

I greatly appreciate the opportunity to bring forth my inner demons to justify areson & contemplate the downfall of all your customers, that you have provided me.

I fully intend to work all the shift that I have been scheduled, with tremendous disdain & a dark sense of sarcastic humour. I hope you and the company will continue to enjoy it’s failing success in the future.


The Goddess & Creator of The 9th Ring in YOUR Hell

… My better self told me that I should keep it simple and leave out the adjatives.

I print it out in triplicate. Put it in a brown recycled environmentally friendly evelope, because we all should do more of this… Got ready for work, got on the bus, sat in the coffee shop down the way with letter in hand. I contemplate all the AMAZING things I can see and do once I’m FREE from the barbed shackles of this Pestilant Poisoned job, like: Go to sleep, eat proper meals at reasonable times, see what the live in boyfriend actually looks like…

Now I wasn’t expecting the Asst. Mgr. That I was suppose to take over from ti throw their hands up in the air curse the powers the be, fall to their knees a, begging me to stay while gripping my left ankle… Seriously, I really wasn’t. Nor was I expecting them to turn into a towering inferno of rage exiling me to my room with no dinner for a millennia screaming “GOOD RIDDANCE YOU BUMBLING BUM!”

… I’m not sure what I was expecting. I know I was expecting that they would be there…

So I come into work and take the sucker punch by Godzilla come up to the desk and find one of the other workers there. The Asst. Mgr. had to leave…

… That’s it…

Well, I still put my notice in. I messaged them saying that I will quit as of the 5 Sept. took a photo of the letter and sent it to them so that there’s some sort of time stamp. There was a bit of surprise with a “… you want to leave completely…” But not much else…

In any case … My Notice Is In! …


I’m Quitting My Job On Monday

Yes, I am. I am quitting my job on Monday.

I’m writing this as a statement to the World that I am going to quite my job on Monday… (Actually, I’m giving notice on Monday … As of Friday 6th September 2019 I QUIT! )

I have to do this, because between now and Monday, I will talk myself out of it, and try to find yet another way to cope with this goodness forsaken phuc’d up job.

I have no safety nets – NONE!

No savings.

No family … none that will give me any kind of support until I’m back on my feet, anyway…

No friends that can afford to support me, we are all suffering … Plus, in 2013 I was in dire straits. Literally portioning out a small €0.99 bag of baby potatoes for the week and waiting to see if Meals on Wheels had any leftovers for me so that I can portion that out. I had made a huge leap and took my martial arts school and left the corrupted life sucking Instructors that my school & I were being terrorized by and went out on my own. Again I had NOTHING! Then my AWESOME Friends Ben & Angel, got all my other Friends together to pitch in and send me money to help out! My GOODNESS! How that saved me! But like what Spiderman said “… Everyone, gets 1…” That was my 1. … And I have yet to honour their kindness or even returned their favour…

I am on my own…

I hate my job… I hate my job… I hate my job…

I was only suppose to be working 20hrs a week. Set hours too. It was suppose to be a part time job that helped with making ends meet while I build my school. But to help out while a girl was on maternity leave. I worked full time. When she came back, not only was I bullied relentlessly by her, she jammed up the roster where I ended up working 18hr shifts, & double shifts every unholy and holy Sunday for the better part of 2 flipping shyte years! I kept track of everything, all her calls all her texts all her notes. Every time I just had enough I would bring it all to the manager and she would get a slap on the wrist. … I would foolishly think to myself; ‘Things will get better now’ … Well of course, you know, it didn’t.

Working that many hours with no breaks, the customers turn into Grade ‘A’ Greedy Slimy Jerks! I start to imagine 50, 100, 1000 different ways you can get away with murder. I start chanting to myself ; ‘I work the awful job so I can travel! I work this awful job so I can travel! I work this awful job…”

Then there’s the ever so invasive social media that we are all now required to be on both Facebook and What’s App so the Assistant Manager can constantly send out group phuc’n messages to remind us what an AWFUL PHUC’N JOB WE ALL WORK AT, at 3  FECKIN’ A.M. in the SHITTY MORNING! … And that’s on  your day off… assholes…

Every time I take the bus to work, I desperately wish that instead of getting in the bus through the door, that I would get in the bus through the front grill …  I hate my job… I have to go to a coffee shop that’s 5 min away from my crappy poo fart job an hour before my shift starts, to phyc  myself up for work. I get queezy, nauseous as I drag my sorry ass on that 5 min walk to the front door. I feel like I just got sucker punched in the gut by Godzilla when I step inside. … I can’t breathe … Within the 1st hour the anger in me starts to boil, and the only way I can control it is to book weekends away and holidays… I have to cancel them later when I get home. … I feel that I have some freedom, some escape when I do that … I’m keeping my booking to Iceland though… By the end of my shift, I’m shaking with rage and in the past week, I’ve taken to throwing up after I close up at 2am. … Not joking … Face down in the toilet throwing up… Thank Goodness I cleaned it before … sucks that I have to clean it again… It takes me a whole day after a shift to wind down from it. I’m already consumed by the anxiety a whole day before a shift….

I gained 40lbs since I started this … this … job. I now have lipedemia, and exhibiting signs of multiple sclerosis that runs rampant in my family. My joints ache constantly. I’m always tired. I’m always angry. … I hate my job… Earlier this year, because of the stress and anxiety of this Rat Ball Slime job and sitting for 18hrs on a stool, my soas muscles seized and twisted, pulling my left leg 2in up into my hip. It cost me a fortune to go to an osteopath to work it out so that I can stand on both feet at the same time. (If you are in the Cork City, Douglas area I’d recommend Trevor if you need one. He’s FANTASTIC!) Currently my ulcers are flaring, even as I write, I have waves of searing pain ripping through my gut every time I think about this Demon Spawned job.

Recently I have had to get all my VAT & TAX for the school in order and up to date. Long story for another time & post. It was a real eye opener. My worse year financially was in 2013 when I only had 6 active students. I currently have over 20 active students, and I am bringing in ONLY 1/3 of what I brought in when I only had 6 active student in 2013! I’ve been so consumed by this Wart Stank job that I’ve not only neglected my health but I’ve neglected my school.

My conditioning is so bad, I can barely teach my classes. I know that I would not be able to do the work out that I make my beginners do. That’s really embarrassing being that I’m 6th degree black belt. Can you imagine what I can do with more than 20 active students if I wasn’t always tired, angry and in pain? If I can teach my classes with enthusiasm instead of just getting through so I can get to work. If I could not just tell them how it’s done but show them as well! My Goodness IT WOULD BE SOOOO MUCH FUN! Maybe instead of just 20 active students, there would be over 50? … If I had over 50 active students, I wouldn’t need a second job…

In the last several months there’s been a very unsavory element in the customers. Illegal activity happening in and around my place of work. I told management. They talked to the customer and fibbed. They fibbed about how the they were being watched. And now the customers are calling their bluff. I let management know. Management didn’t care. We are working alone until 2am. The crowd is getting rougher and rougher. We have no back up or recourse other than calling the guard (police) if anything should happen. The whole problem could be resolved if management would just have security do a walk through  or  2 between 11pm and 1am to make their presence known. But they couldn’t be bothered. So, I have to play security guard for less than half the hourly pay of an actual security guard. … I hate my job…

And there’s Ricky. The live in boyfriend. My love, though we haven’t had anytime to really explore it. We met. 6 months later we dated. 6 months later he moved in. 8 months later I started this WHANKTARD SNATCH PUSS job… So once again you can imagine, always tired, always angry, always physically in pain with one thing or another. Between teaching classes, and work, and his work, and whatever else it is that he does, we might get a full day to spend together … well, I’m sure we have… Over the last few years he’s shaved his gotee, grew it back, and shaved it again. Changed the style of clothes, gained weight, loss weight, I’m sure his views on life have evolved or changed, but I wouldn’t know … Always tired, angry & in pain, I barely notice when he decides to do a bit of creative man-scaping. … Maybe that’s the way it’s always been? … Gotta give the man credit for putting up with  me and sticking around all this time, still doing the dishes even! I have to wonder where we would be now if it weren’t SKANK PHUC JIZ ROT job. … Better? Worse? I know that I’m looking forward to finding out …

So, I’m quitting my job Monday, … I’m giving notice  …  In a month and a few days I will have to face a whole new set of anxieties, but I WILL BE FREE …

Wish me luck Folks! And don’t let me chicken out!

Karma – Get It Started?

Several weeks ago after working my last double shift on a Sunday at a job I despise, I got called at 3:30 AM! It’s an emergency, she’s sick and needs to go to the hospital can you come in? But I’m already working the evening shift. That would be back to back double shifts with no more than a few hours sleep! But it’s an emergency! I go in, I’m helping out, I tell myself over and over again.

It’s a mad house. Busier than it’s been in a while. I’m so tired and fatigued that I don’t really feel my legs. I have to consciously tell my self, breath in, breath out. So I make myself a cup of tea.

A customer asked me to cash out what I thought was €150. I swore I saw €150 on the machine. I pay him.  I go cash out the machine, but it’s only €50. He swears I only gave him €50. His word against mine. I have to take the hit. I just worked 10hrs for FREE! I have a meltdown, swore up & down that I was going to quit. But found my way safely off the roof. … I was really hating life & everything it encompasses.

A few days later, I was on my way to the job I hate, cursing every moment. As I approached the bus stop in front of the Costigan’s on Washington St. there was an old man dressed in all black with a black backpack walking along and just fell over. He was trying to get up, pulling on the partition post out side the pub to get him self up, but he just didn’t have the strength.


When I got over to him I asked if he was OK. He said that he just needed to get on his feet. When I helped up you can tell he had a few. He held on to the partion post but his swaying was more than the post can manage. I held on to him and looked for something for him to sit down on. There were chairs out side the pub but I couldn’t hold him up and get the chair at the same time. There was a group of young men just chatting away not more than 2ft away.

“Excuse me! Excuse me! Can you grab that chair for me so that he can sit down?” One chap turned suddenly & jumped into action once he saw the situation. Then it was as though every person in front of the pub rushed in to help out. Even one of the bar men (I think) came out to help. It was surreal & amazing! Just then my bus came to take me to my crappy job that I despise. I got no hassel when I excused myself. He was being looked after.

I got on the bus. Sat next to an over weight woman alseep and drooling. I put a tissue under her chin so the slobber won’t get on her clothes. I sighed. I hate this job. I hate it! I hate it! I HATE IT! We’re understaffed & overworked. There is a nasty mean co -worker … at least she’s on holiday for 3 months… *sigh*…

I get into town early. Have a coffee at Nosh. Trying to get my head around the next 10hrs of work. … *Breathe In*… I hate this job … *Breath Out*… I still hate this job… Time to go to work…

“Hi” I say to the girl I’m taking over from.

“We have a new girl starting next week.”

“Wait? What? Really? … Part time or full time?”

“Full time. She wants 40hrs.”

My head started to spin! No more double shifts! No more 60+ hr weeks. I can sleep for more than 5 hrs! I can see what life is like during the day! I can go watch a movie! At a theater even! I can cook dinner at home! OMG! I wonder what the live in boyfriend looks like these days!

Needless to say, things got better.  I still hate my job. But with some rest, I have managed to come up with an exit plan. The new girl is working out wonderfully! She is such a delight! Don’t know what’s gonna happen when the nasty mean girl get’s back, but maybe if I can keep up the good Karma, it wouldn’t be so bad when she does.

I have no idea of how Karma works or even if it really exsist. But I guess it needs a kick every once in awhile to get it started in a good direction.


I Nearly Quit My Job

I nearly quit my job

Another double shift on Sunday 16hrs no breaks,

Scheduled to do a 10hrs on Monday night, but got a call @ 3:30am … AM …

Tired, fatigued, exhausted, back to back double shifts, 32hrs in a 48hr period,

I nearly quit my job

OK, I’ll help out, OK just one more time, OK I’ll help out until there’s more staff,

3 years later…

I nearly quit my job

Tired, fatigued, exhausted… Tired, fatigued, exhausted…

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes… One costing me €100 …

FUCK! I just worked 10hrs for FUCKIN’ NOTHING! …

I nearly quit my job

The anxiety, chest tight, throat tight, shaking, shaking, can’t breath

Customers panic, are you OK, are you Ok, are you OK…

Dizzy, but still on my feet, calm down, calm down, calm down…

I nearly quit my job

I had it planned.

I’ll finish this shift, & not come in for the next…

I’ll finish this shift, & give 2 weeks notice…

I’ll finish this shift & quit in February before Tet…

I’ll finish this shift & quit when she comes back from holidays …

I’ll finish this shift & quit after I’m back from my holidays …

I’ll finish this shift & …

I nearly quit my job

If you hate it just quit!

If it’s affecting your health just quit!

If management won’t do that, or this just quit!

If it’s taking away from your happiness just quit!

If it’s destroying your relationships just quit!

Just quit! Just Quit! JUST QUIT!

I nearly quit my job

But what about my rent? I live paycheck to paycheck, the rent is going up

But what about my bills? Not that I have many, I’m very frugal, but they keep asking for more

But what about food? I guess I’ll go without

I nearly quit my job



RIP M’ol Celtic Flower


We weren’t friends in Jr. High & High School. She was a cheerleader/pom squad, all the clubs, good grades, everyone loved her, she was very popular… I was an angry loner that lurked in the shadows, jumping into the light every now and again pretending to be whatever might be normal. We sat next to each other in 10th grade biology. You would remember when you sit next  to one of the more popular girls in school. Where every glance or notion your way would incite  epic movie like fantasies of everlasting friendship, holding hands skipping through fields of daisies. Or brought on the feeling of dread that were utterly apocalyptic. But those high school days stumbled on. She stayed in the spotlight and I continued lurking. When those days finally fell away, so did all the thoughts and feelings that we held so dear while we were there, and now life marched on.

Then Facebook came along. Her name keep popping up in one way or another. Just like in high school all those notions both gleeful and dreadful came flooding back. This went on for ages it seemed. Then one day, I thought, would things have been different if I just said Hi all those years ago? And said to myself what would be the harm as I sent of a friend request to the ever so popular Nikki Brewster. Much to my surprise, she accepted.

Now why she accepted I have no idea. We stayed as friends on each other’s lists for quite some time until a band came to town in Denver. I think it was called “Celtic Frost”. Living here in Ireland I was so curious that I let go of all my inhibitions  and asked who/what was this  band … And this is where our beautiful conversation started albeit so very short.

We messaged back and forth every so often, and kept up the “likes” on each other’s posts. She was hoping to visit Ireland. I was looking forward to that, when ever it may have been. … But she has now gone into that good night, our conversation abruptly ended. I wish I would have said hello earlier, but happy that I finally did. We’ll meet again someday and we will continue our conversation, revelling in your beauty & light.

Rest In Peace M’ol Celtic Flower.



Go Gentle


Do not go gentle into that good night?

But the moon is full, and despite the clouds the night is clear.

…It’s quite here…


Rage against the dying light?

It’s too loud, too loud…

My rage can only whisper in this roaring crowd.


Do not go gentle into that good night?

But Dylan I’m tired, so very tired.

My spirit more than broken…


Rage against the dying light?

No, I will go gentle into that good night …

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