It’s interesting how a little time to yourself can recharge your batteries, and how quickly those batteries are drained with just one minuscule incident. Like Sprite not wanting to go out for her afternoon walk with me or How Sprite won’t let me come near her with any kind of brush or comb, not even the brushing gloves. I don’t blame her regarding the gloves. They look like some kind of s&m dominatrix torture mitts … *shutter*…
I slept on the futon again last night. It’s nearly too much to explain now, of the events and reasons why … I am so sad, depressed, anxious and lonely, not to mention angry and overwhelmed. That futon seems to be my only refuge. It’s not pulled out into a bed. It’s up into a “sofa”. I can curl up and burrow into the bend facing the back with blankets and a hot water bottle and shut away the rest of the world with all my shit. I can snooze, and sleep, and dream, and pretend …
Ricky took Sprite out for her morning walk before going out to his gardening job. I was half awake, still on the futon. I can hear that he was having a bit of a struggle getting Sprite out for her morning walk as well, that made me a awkwardly happy… It’s not just me then? …
It was nearly 11am before I spilled off the futon. Sprite was back from her walk and Ricky had gone to his gardening job. The house was quiet and serene. … You can hear the birds out back squawking, playing, fighting … With a little help from my inhaler I was able to breath a little bit better, a little bit deeper …
I went about cleaning bitz and pieces, Ricky’s dishes and putting stuff away, all the while gritting my teeth because I know that none of this will be noticed because it’s not considered important or the “heavy lifting” where house work is concerned. … Honestly I never cared about getting credit for it, until this past Sunday when it was brought up and was exacerbated on Tuesday … I always figured it was what you do as a function of day to day living. But hey, just like the rest of me, it’s pointless, worthless, it doesn’t matter … Yet I still did it …
It looks like my word for today is “bit”…
Sprite desperately needs to get brushed out. I thought I’d try just using a regular comb, but nope. She wouldn’t even let me lay the comb on her. Funny though, she’d let me rustle up her fur, even tugging on her tail and scratching out as much of the matts that I can find with my bare fingers, but once that comb or brush comes out she’s all teeth and “fuck you bitch!” …
I finally got into my day clothes at 1pm and then tried to take Sprite out for her afternoon walk. Of course, she wouldn’t go. I kept trying every 10min until Ricky came back at 1:40pm where we both managed to get her out. We went up to the green just up the street. We’re trying to get her use to going there. Usually she avoids it like the plague but in the last week she’s been more curious about it and is willing to play ball there. Today we were up there for about 15 min. It started raining and it was getting windy. Sprite suddenly decided, quite literally, to pick up her ball and go home. She just strolled off down the street with her ball and waited by our front door.
I made a late lunch early dinner of omelets, beans, black and white puddings with toast from the sourdough bread that I made earlier this week. Ricky and I chatted about this and that … Still, I’ll probably sleep on the futon again tonight. … Like I said in the 2nd paragraph in the post … I’m still very sad, maybe even wounded … It’s not something to get over. It’s just something that you have to learn to live with …
There’s talk that Northern Ireland is going to go on a strict lock down starting on the 26th Dec. There’s talk that the Republic of Ireland will do the same … There’s a lot to think about there, with the school, money, bills, money, … money … bills …
I need to get my Christmas cards sent out … They won’t make it before Christmas, but they’ll be out spreading the good cheer …
Ricky is going to spend the day with his best mate tomorrow. I feel a bit guilty that I’m so eager for the day to myself and Sprite.
The Covid-19 stats are on the rise … 3 deaths and 484 new confirmed cases … So tell the families of the over 30 people that have died and the 2,800 plus people who were infected in just the last week that it was still a good idea to re-open everything …
The 3rd Coyote 
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