More Swill About My New Years Resolutions…

2019… Here we go… Once again I’m making a new years resolution to write… Every year for too many years now I have made glorious  proclamations to write, write more, write this for that, and write that for this… And I have failed for the most part with every declaration. … This time I will more and likely fail again, with numerous half ass’d excuses of why I did, but oh what the hell… I’m gonna do it again!

This time I’m going all out and resolving to write something every day … I’m already a day behind, so I’ll write 2 today and hope no one will notice. I decided to write something every day, even if it’s just swill, because last year I resolved to draw/scketch something every day even if it’s stick figures. And wouldn’t you know, I actually did draw/sketch something for each and every day.  It worked with that, so maybe it will work with this? Plus, there’s that concept that if you put a million monkeys on typewriters … ‘er … computers, that eventual one monkey will write something brilliant.  Maybe I can be that monkey and maybe in 365 days I can have 1 day of brilliance.

 

w

 

Yet Another New Year’s Proclamation

I’m a little late in the uptake of my New Year’s Resolutions this year… I have to say 2014 was … not that bad. I know it’s shocking. The current trend with many people is to bash 2014, or any year previous for that matter.  “Oh! What a horrible year! Good riddance! 2014 sucked! 2014 kicked my ass! I hate you 2014! Can’t wait for 2015! Bring it on 2015!“… At least that’s what I read on Facebook so it must be true right? 2014 was a BAD BAD year! … Thlpt! …

I have every reason to hate 2014. My Mother’s lymphoma came back and was on her death bed. She was scheduled for a stem cell transplant at the beginning of the year, but both her and my Brother decided to cut off all communications with me until just recently when my Mother calls me on Thanksgiving. She left a message. At least I know that she’s alive. … now … Still haven’t talked with her despite the phone calls. My husband, now my soon to be exe, reached new heights of being an ass. (See blog post “Let’s Talk”) So yeah, we’re getting a divorce. I hear through the grape vine that my Father who I have not heard from since May of 2013 regardless of the the monthly letters I posted, decided in Sept 2013 to move but neglected to tell me where. Still no word from him.

Crazy complications in business transfer, bill transfer, and residency. Money is always an issue and there were weeks where I was counting my potatoes. The stress pushed my diabetes over the edge where I now needed to be on medication. The Doctors found cancer cells floating around … “No, no you don’t have cancer yet.” YET!?!? What the GEEE WHIZ!? The community magazine that I founded and have worked on for over 2 years. A magazine that had a readership of over 1000 and growing came under fire twice. I managed to save it the first time but lost the 2nd time. The powers to be pulled the funding. It was soul breaking to know why. To know that the people that I touted as being strong, and resourceful, the people that always found a way when there was the will, got scared and desperate and cut off their noses to spite their faces. Their ears too apparently, right after they shot themselves in the foot. Then there were my “friends” that kept shaving off layers of my thick skin until it was paper thin. They jammed my detachment super power button so that when they used me as a punching bag, the punches could sink in deeper.

To top it all off, to find out that potential suitors are afraid of me because I can kick their asses. Go ahead and laugh. It certainly does sound funny! And it wasn’t just one mind you, it was a few of them. Honestly, I can kick everyone’s ass, but I don’t. That says a lot right there! Don’t you think? Still it cut me to the quick. People have been afraid of me all my life. They were afraid of that half breed jungle monkey Charlie in the trees gook from Viet-Nam. The product of a war they lost. They were so afraid that I wasn’t allowed inside, or to sit at the table or any table. I had to sit on the floor to eat my dinner. They were so afraid that they didn’t help when I was being ganged up on and beaten to a bloody pulp. They were so afraid that I had to put fishing hooks in my pony tail braid to keep the bullies at bay. They were so afraid that they couldn’t accept that I accomplished anything and made up excuses why I did. “You’ll sue them if they didn’t give you … You forced them … It was a quota … Who did you sleep with to get that? … “ I did hoped that we as the human race had progressed beyond that, but I guess not.

Now that’s one perspective, one aspect. Here’s another perspective, another aspect that I think I’m gonna go with… I gracefully got out of a destructive marriage and relationship. What luck to have a doctor that was doing research on diet and diabetes and allowed me to be part of the research as a test subject, where basically my medical expenses were free. I was put on a very specific diet catered to me and for the last 6 months have not had to go on insulin or any other medication. I lost 30lbs and now all my tight fitting clothes hang off me like gunny sacks. With all the money issues, I still have a roof over my head, and food on the table albeit a small amount of food, but I’m certainly not starving. Business transfer was successful, and I applied for citizenship, so hopefully in the next few weeks I’ll have my new passport. I got to enjoy one of the best Summers Ireland has had in a long time. Even got a great tan that I’m still sporting a faded version of. I’ve traveled. I went to Belfast and the Giant’s Causeway and it was magnificent! I was in a parade, a Halloween parade no less!  I’ve met some beautifully interesting people and had incredible conversations. Even met someone who would put all you so called “Whovians” to shame! And I discovered just how much I can take, and man oh man, Atlas step aside ‘coz not only can I hold up the sky but everything above and below it! But my skin got thin, my knees did shake, and I bled a lot…

So my New Year’s Resolution(s)? Well, among other things, I’m resolving to be meaner. No joke there. I’m going to allow myself to be mean and angry. I’m going to allow myself to put my foot down and make no excuses. And when I say “meaner” I’m not talking about causing any harm, but tougher with more intent. I’ve catered to the sensitivities of others far too much, stifled my anger and compromised myself as a result. Time for me to step up and join the rakes of the feisty middle aged battle axe. I will lose “friends” this year, but I’m not bothered.

A note to all those that I call friend and to all those that call me friend. I will be your escape goat, I will be your punching bag, a shoulder to cry on, and I’ll even be your door mat. We are friends and I will do all this with no complaint. We are friends so you know that I would never intend to do you any harm physically, mentally, or emotionally. If there is anything that I say or do that may have you think otherwise, DO NOT ASSUME! Please talk with me, ask questions. We are friends, so I know your qualifications in this or that. There’s no need to rub my nose in your accomplishments, smother me with your resume/CV, or jam your degree(s) down my throat. Since we are friends we will never beg for each others attention, approval, or acceptance. That is a given. If felt that I needed to, or have to, then I will simply walk away because at that point we are no longer friends. … Let say that won’t happen. Let resolve that won’t happen. Let’s resolve that won’t ever happen. We are friends so lets be and do as friends are.

And so it is. That’s my New Year’s Proclamation 2015. Fingers crossed I can live up to it!

How A Coyote’s New Years Resolutions Went In The Year Of The Snake

2013 Year of the Snake … Yes, this is late, in that this should have had this done at the end of the 2013 and not now in Feb of 2014. But today (4 Feb 2014) is Poo Woo, the 5th Day of Tết Nguyên Đán, the Vietnamese New Year. And like in China it’s the year 4712 Year Of The Horse! In the Vietnamese tradition on the 5th day, you stay home reflect on the past year and contemplate the up coming year. So what better day, … or excuse for me to reflect and review those New Years Resolutions of 2013.

2013 was a phenomenal year. I have seen how far a person can recede into the petty, self serving greed. I have also seen such brilliant kindness in my own hours of darkness and dooooooom. I have to say it like that for dramatic effect… So how do I proceed here? … I apologize in advance if this skips around …

Let’s start with NYR #1. Get healthy. This one went very well. I don’t know if I lost any weight, but I did lose size. With all the different brands each with their own scale for a dress size I have no idea how many dress sizes I lost or what my dress size is now. I do know that it was noticeable not just to me but to everyone else. I’m not skinny or remotely thin, but much healthier! The colour came back to my face, and the dark circles around my eyes are not so noticeable. As a bonus my grocery bill is less than €20 a week! I still have a ways to go but I’m enjoying the benefits of the challenge!

Now, NYR #2 … This is the reason why I procrastinated. I’m afraid to talk about this and I’m not sure why. It’s not that it turned out bad either. NYR #2 was to resolve the issues of my marriage. Maybe because although the issues for the most part have been taken care of  I’m not entirely happy with the result. I’m not unhappy, however it seems only a satisfactory outcome. … Ahhhh, this is so hard to start … In my fervor of getting shyte done before Tet I decided to have THE talk with my husband. I thought I could just ask; “Hey, I’d like a little more attention, particularly public displays of affection. Yah know that naughty thing that we weren’t allowed to do in high school? But we live in two different countries so throw me a bone on Facebook every once in a while. Be a little attentive & engage.” And that’s nearly almost exactly what I’m pretty sure that I said! … Seriously … I still don’t understand the can of worms that was opened up, the conversation degraded, and somehow we agreed to a divorce.

It wasn’t what I wanted. I just wanted him to say “I love you” on Facebook every now and again. I had glorious ideas of us living independently, coordinating our holidays to travel the world. Watching movies over Skype, maybe even an occasional gmail or Facebook chat when we couldn’t Skype. But no, we were getting a divorce … On a whim, about an hour after the decision, I saw that he was on Facebook and sent him a quick message; “For the record, I really do believe that this will work!” Well, that started a 6hr Facebook chat. Then 2 days later he says, “Let’s do it.” So we’re still married and everything is … *sigh* … satisfactory … Still no public shows of affection, ah well …

NYR #3 was a complete and utter failure! But I was busy! I was suppose to post on WordPress once per week and write a short story once per month. None of that happened … Not only was I working out things with my husband, I was in a financial crisis, I had to train so very hard for my test, (NYR #7) and there was a storm that brewed & hit that needed careful and meticulous management!

So how do I put this storm in a walnut shell? This storm that’s been brewing since 2009! let’s say that after 4 years of forced financial hardship, political backstabbing and scandal, it was time to leave the organization that I was apart of. Of course the tyrants that were heading the organization didn’t like this so much so there was a battle, but we won! I say we, because there were others that did the same. I witness horrific pettiness and greed … and my gawsh did it drain me, mentally, emotionally, and financially! But from the trenches came the support and brilliance of my dear friends. I was living off the good graces of the people that I owed money too, but even they had a breaking point and after 6 months back rent unpaid it was time to collect. My whole life & existence was threatened and I had nothing. But my friends pulled together and saved me. So sorry, I just didn’t have time to write.

NYR #4 Raise my Wei Gi (GO) rating to 13K by the Cork Go Tournament. Well I didn’t get it up there by the tournament, but I did get up to 12K on KGS GO server. I’m afraid that when I made the resolution that I didn’t fully understand how the whole rating thing worked. I have a better idea now and my rating has definitely improved. It’s not a win but maybe a good finish?

NYR #5 The never ending artsy fartsy projects! I’m down to 5. I did however finish the sweater for my Brother In Law. I waited 7 years to find the right colour yarn. I completed the sweater 3x and took it all apart because I didn’t like the design of it. Finally finished it so that he could open up the gift on Christmas. But I have 5 left, and that will be one of my 2014 NYR – To work through those 5!

NYR #6 Another utter failure! I was suppose to read 6 books! I read 2. Again, very busy.

NYR #7 Train hard so that I will pass my advancement to 5th Degree Associate Master in Shaolin. I trained, I trained hard and ROCKED THAT TEST! I am now considered a Shaolin Master! Here it is 8 months later and I’m still amazed by it! It’s hard to call myself a master in anything, let alone a Shaolin master!

NYR #8 I was suppose to go to Boston, The Grand Canyon, & The Devils Causeway. I made it Boston and it was Amazing! I got to see where my Husband grew up, where he hung out. I got to go to MIT … Ohhhh MIT, now that’s another story for another time. I got to swim in the ocean for the very first time & it was FREEZING! I had a great time and you know, I think it helped with NYR #2!

I didn’t make it to the Grand Canyon or The Devils Causeway, but I did go someplace that I’ve never gone to before – Barcelona, Spain! This was a major victory for me. I’ve always wanted to visit Spain, but all my life people told me, they jammed it down my throat that “People like you can’t…” It was force upon me like an evil mantra cursing my existence… But I did, I was there & I may go back again! I even have pictures! I was there, saw the sites, ate the food, and even spoke Spanish! So all of you who said I couldn’t, and you know who you are! Guess what I’m holding up to your faces right now!

There you have it folks, The 3rd Coyotes review of The Year Of The Snake. What a REMARKABLE year!

It’s Only One Train Car Wrecked …

Well, I couldn’t get that one wrecked car back on track and it’s probably unlikely that I will … this year. In a manner of speaking  I’m conceding defeat on my New Year’s Resolution of posting on Word Press once a week. All for good reason though. Life happened! And OH MY GOODNESS did A LOT of Life happen! …  and it’s still happening… So I will need to save the details for another time when Life isn’t happening so much and I’ll write about this INCREDIBLE year that is 2013!images

One Train Car Wrecked … Maybe …

Oh bother … my New Year’s Resolutions … Actually I haven’t done so bad. I have stuck to my diet  & schedule for the most part and am seeing results! My “fat pants” have now returned to being my “fat pants” instead of my “everyday pants”. Although we still have a ways to go, my husband and I are talking more. We’re on good road I’d say. I’ve been working on my Wei Gi (GO). Started on a new site & I think that I’m actually improving! Though my rank (rating) has gone down. I’m almost finished with one of my artsy fartsy projects that’s been 7 years in the making. I’ve finished reading “The Hitch hikers Guide To The Galaxy” and am starting on my 2nd book which I can’t remember the exact title (I’m too lazy to go upstairs and look) but it’s one of the Moomintroll books. I’ve certainly been training for my test, and I have a flight booked to Boston this June. But then there’s that one … *sigh*…

#3 on my 8 resolution list … Let me restate it for you:

“3) I want to write. I have loads of short story ideas and loads of partially written stories. This year I will post at least once a week here on WordPress. I will also complete at least one short story a month. If anyone had any ideas of where I can send them to or recommendations of how to publish or where to find info on how to publish please let me know. I’m not looking to make money out this. I just want to write and it would be nice to publish.”

Until now I have not typed a single letter in this regard. So what do I do? Give it up? I’m not one to just give up, but how do I make up for the last two months? I could start over, but how do I justify doing that? … OOoooOOOooo … I think I have an idea …

Right now we’re in the middle of Tết Nguyên Đán, the Vietnamese New Year. There are 15 days Tết Nguyên Đán. Every year I do my best to observe as many of the traditions I can. I mean, I am half Vietnamese after all? So how about this, my Tết Resolution is to do #3 of my New Years Resolutions? Wadda ya say? … Yeah? … Yeah? …

Improving My Own Private Train Wreck – 2013 New Year’s Resolutions

Glorious Glorious New Years Resolutions! I LOVE ’em! Call them what you will, your goals, your plan, your promise, your list, your gist. Here are mine for 2013! I post these as a means of accountability as I’ve been slacking these past 6 years in completing my list:

1) I’ve really neglected my health in this past year and my size shows it.  For most of 2012 I’ve been eating on the run and that is never a good thing. So I prepared a very strict diet and times in which to have my meager meals 5x a day each day between 1200 and 1500 calories. I’ve also put myself on a fairly ridged schedule work/sleep/play schedule. This will help me get rooted again, since I was practically in panic mode all last year.

2) To resolve once and for all the issues of my marriage. My husband lives abroad. There’s a 7hr time difference between here and there. Neither one of us wants to give up our careers to move and neither one of us wants to get divorced, but both of us are finding the day to day difficult living so far apart. I’m am still a devout believer in “If there is a will, there’s a way.” This year, we will work this out.

3) I want to write. I have loads of short story ideas and loads of partially written stories. This year I will post at least once a week here on WordPress. I will also complete at least one short story a month. If anyone had any ideas of where I can send them to or recommendations of how to publish or where to find info on how to publish please let me know. I’m not looking to make money out this. I just want to write and it would be nice to publish.

4) I have been stuck at 15K in Wei Gi (GO) for 2 years I can’t complain ‘coz I haven’t really put much effort into improving.  So a solid 13K by the next Cork Go Tournament.

5) Once again I’ve managed to collected a pile of artsy fartsy crafty projects that are only partially completed. Finish all of them before starting new ones. When starting new ones only 3 at a time!  – This might have to be a life time resolution!

6) Believe it or not I went through the whole of 2012 without reading a single book in it’s entirety. This coming from a woman who once had a library of over 2,000 books of every category imaginable! Gos to show how chaotic last year has been. Starting with “The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy” at least 6 novels! … No, I’ve never read it. Long frustrating story that lead to my last divorce. If you really want to know I’ll tell you at another time.

Any Recommendations?

7) Train hard so that I will pass my advancement test to 5th Degree Associate Master in Shaolin

8) Boston & The Grand Canyon, I’ve never been … I KNNOOOW! It’s laughable isn’t it! Husband – Born and raised in Boston his family still in Boston. We’ve been together 11yrs, married 4&1/2 and never been to Boston! The Grand Canyon? Yeah, flippin’ geologist living in Colorado, only a 12hr drive away and never been! This year it’s Boston, The Grand Canyon and The Giants Causeway. I threw in the Giants Causeway ‘coz things are better in 3s and that it’s up in Northern Ireland. I haven’t been to Northern Ireland either, and before it becomes suedo ironic I want to make a trip there even if it’s just for a day! I mean for goodness sake! It’s the same island & Ireland’s not that big!

So there yah have folks! Feel free to keep tabs, berate or applaud I’ll welcome it all!