Some Tips On Negotiating A Lonely Food Poisoning

There’s that gurgle that bubbles in your stomach. It doesn’t hurt but you definitely feel it and you certainly can hear it. You pay it no mind, but it persists, then starts to cramp. You go to the loo, but it doesn’t help. Nothing comes out … yet.  You start to feel it push up into your throat and you keep swallowing and taking deep breaths. You think that you might have it under control but then you sneeze or cough or worse you laugh … You grab your mouth and in a mad dash to the toilet or nearest waste basket **BLLEEEEEAAAAUUUGGHHHHACK … BLLEEEAH … ACK … *sigh* … BLLEEEEEAAAAUUUGGHHHHACK … BLEEEH BLEEH … UGH … ACK …** The point of no return. RJb2t A list of everything you ate in the last 48 hours races through your head. Was it the tuna? The egg salad? Naw, it couldn’t be, you didn’t have tuna or egg salad! What did you eat? Homemade beef stew, stewed to an inch of it life? Had a chocolate muffin freshly baked? Raw veggies – cucumbers, turnips,  sweet potatoes … aah shyte … that sweet potato tasted like Granny’s perfume. You threw away the lot, … or I should say I did … That didn’t help any, the devilish deed was done! I had food poisoning … yay … The most upsetting part about getting my most recent bout with food poisoning was that I am living alone and on my own. And the worst part about being on your own with food poisoning was cleaning up when it splatters or when you miss. There’s a whole strategy that you have to employ. No you can’t just lay curled up on the bathroom floor shivering, thriving in pain, or sitting awkwardly on the toilet while hanging your head over the tub or in a bucket. No, no none of that, because there isn’t another person there to clean up, there isn’t another person there to make sure your at least sipping water to stay hydrated, or to make sure there’s enough toilet paper. There isn’t that other person to tell you what day it is, what time it is, that your not dreaming, and those are not purple flying monkeys hanging off the ceiling. There isn’t that person there to draw the line and say; “OK, I’m taking  you to the emergency room!”

When you’re on  your own, you need to plan ahead as much as you can while you can. There isn’t much time but it is manageable. First things first is that you have to admit that you are sick and that there will be accidents. You will throw up on your shirt, the walls, the floors and you will poop your pants. It will splatter, and you will miss. In your misery you will not comprehend the actual passage of time and forget that although you may be living alone there are people that will assist you. So here’s some things you can do: Breath and focus. If you cannot manage the sickness into controlled outburst then you need to go to the hospital. Use large towels instead of blankets and pillows. They’re easier to wash. Lay down newspaper for easier clean up.  fb1 Put a plastic bag, or trash bag in the bucket/pot/bin that you have next to the bed or your head for barf. That way all you have to do is drain the bag and throw it out and replace it without cleaning out the container. Keep that container with you at all times. Make sure it’s a container you can in a sense “sit on” or wide enough for poor bottom aim. fb2 If you decide to spend time in bed lay down a couple of large plastic garbage bags on the mattress then cover with towels. Wear old undies that you don’t mind throwing out. Face it, there just may be leakage and you don’t want to ruin your mattress. Keep a glass, a bottle of water next to you and keep sipping water. Set an alarm to take a sip every 15 min or whatever increment suits. There’s a lot of this remedy and that potion, this food, that drink that every Tom Dick and Harry will say that you need. If I made any other suggestions other than water I’m sure someone will sue me. So you choose, but at least have the water.  I had lemon water with a little sea salt in it and a jar of honey with a little spoon. When I was awake every hour I would take a sip of lemon water and a drop of honey. Please don’t sue me because I told you what I did. Warm-Water-with-Lemon-and-Honey Stay connected! These days it’s really easy! As much as I feel that Facebook is the bane of human existence, it has become a necessary evil and a good tool to use in this case. Let people know that you are on your own and ill. Post every so often, comment, let people know your progress. It doesn’t have to be Facebook, it can be texting someone you know that doesn’t mind responding. Staying connected is your safety net. Staying connected is your cheerleader, your motivation to hang in there. Staying connected will let them know if they need to intervene and haul your ass to the hospital. Remember that it’s better if it’s out of your body. And if this is happening your body is working properly. So be happy! YaY! Food Poisoning! EVERYTHING IS WORKING BEAUTIFULLY! xTgnj6GTA You might be asking why did I write this. It’s rather gross and for many TMI! Honestly, I don’t know why I wrote this. I really don’t. I just got over experiencing a 4 day food poisoning horror movie and I suppose I wanted to share my … I don’t know, pain? Struggles? … eh… Well, I hope if anything it may help someone who may read this, or bring a bit of levity to a quite literally a crappy situation.