2024 New Years Resolutions!

March 9, 2024 at 12:38 am (Hodgepodge, My Own Private Train Wreck, New Year's Writing Resolution)
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What the Hell! I KNOW! It’s March already! It’s not the New Year anymore! Well, yah know? Sue me! It’s been chaotic, and I’m only now finding the time to write them out. I did come up with them last Decemeber! Honestly, I did! I do give myself a trial period though. Since I celebrate Tết Nguyên Đán, I give myself until the end of Tết to ‘try out’ the resolutions that I made back on New Year’s Eve, or Day, or at whatever time before. I test what will stick, what won’t and what would work if I made some modifications. The drop dead deadline is the day after the Latern Festival Saturday 24 February 2024. So far, for the past week and a half, I’ve stuck to them all! At least the ones that require daily doing.

So here we go!

  1. Write something every day and post. Even if it’s just one word.
    This turned out way easier than I thought it would be. The trick is not to have any expectations or delusions that you’ll write a master piece each time. That most of the stuff you’re gonna write will be crap! I basically turned it into a daily journal, cuz that fits, it works. I’m writing every day and posting.
  2. Crochet and/or Knit 10 items
    I already have one done. The shawl/stole/scarf for Kevin’s Mom. I don’t know if that counts. Technically it was a Christmas present. I didn’t get it done in time for Christmas, so it carried over to the New Year. … I guess, if I’m caught out by one, I’ll count it as one of the 10.
  3. No new clothes apart from underthings, shoes, and possibly a raincoat.
    This might turn into a lifetime resolution. From the time I was 17 to about 30 years old, I made all my clothes. All my new ones, I should say. It was great! Everything fit! I did get a lot from 2nd hand stores. I would get them extra extra large and then alter them down to my size. Again, everything fit! But life got in the way and spare time was a rarity, so I resorted to buying cheap clothes because money was scarce too! I’d really like to get back to making and altering my clothes. Not only is there a sense of accomplishment, something I’m really needing right now in my life, but there’s such a great feeling when your not fighting with your clothes and they fit properly!
  4. Sketch 108 Dragons & 200 Sketches of other stuff.
    It is the year of the wood dragon, so why not? I like sketching. My sketches are crap, but I won’t improve if I don’t sketch. Plus, I need to keep my fingers as nimble as possible, constantly learning and re learning how to use my fingers & hands! The periphial neuropothy in my hands and feet at this point is permenent. All I can do now is learn how to work with it, around it, and just get on with it!
  5. Have my material test ready to test to 7th Degree Black Belt in June 2025!
    I’m determined to test in 2025. After the cancer, surgeries and chemo, I didn’t get any super powers. Instead I was left with a broken, mangled bodyand a foggy brain . To be fair, I am alive! I am for the most part grateful of that! But I want to get this body, this brain, back in shape, or as much in shape as it can get, and the best way I can think of doing that is to set the goal and date to test in June 2025. I have to be fit to do it! I know that I can’t got back to the way I was before the cancer diagnosis. I’m 3 years older, in my 50’s. I have age and menopause to contend with now too. If anything, it wouldn’t hurt to try!
  6. Swim at least 1km a week
    This isn’t just for the physical condition aspect of swimming. This is my coffee break. This is “me time”. Something I’ve been negelcting for years now.
  7. Re learn playing my flute.
    Again, back to my periphial neuropothy. Playing flute is so much of who and what I am. It encompassed all that I felt was good about myself. When I developed the neuropothy, which seemed to happen overnight, I lost the ability to play. Even with the little corks that plugged up the holes in the keys, I couldn’t feel where they were. It’s been the hardest thing to reconcile about my cancer. Nevermind the broken, mangled body & foggy squishy brain, I can’t play my flute, something that I’ve done since I was 4 years old!
  8. Learn the basics of playing guitar.
    My exe left his guitar behind when he moved back to the US. It’s been sitting collecting dust for the past 12 years! I had a new years resolution to learn to play the guitar I think in 2022, but cancer, chemo and surgeries put that on hold. So might as well start it up again. I have to first learn how to string it, or put new strings on it. Like everyone I know plays guitar, but not one of the them will teach me how to put new strings on mine. Is that a thing with guitarist or what?
  9. Learn how to make kimchi, saurkrout, youghurt.
    I’ve been saying this for a few years now, several actually! I have the jars, I have the time, … not that it takes that much time … even have a proper working fridge if needed. The time is now! Do or Die!
  10. Get back to myself.
    I don’t know how else to explain it. I don’t mean to keep harping on the cancer, but it was as though I turned into a different person. Someone who was weak and desperate. It shook my resolve. I ended up letting people get up under my skin, which never happened before. As a result, I ended up doubting myself, the relationships I have, and potential ones as well. I know what I’m like and I want to get back to the good parts of myself again.

There you go Folks! Now that they are made public, I’m accountable! It’s a big reason why I do write them out and post them – to keep me honest!

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Coyote Chemo Chronicles – Fragmented Aftermath

November 10, 2023 at 4:28 am (Coyote Chemo Chronicles, Fitness Fight At 50+, My Own Private Train Wreck)
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The port is out! The port is out! The port is out!

Well, it was out at the end of August. Again, I got caught up dealing with life! … Life! … Life that I wasn’t suppose to make it to … Or is it, ‘make it through’? Either way, I guess it’s a good problem to have? Like I said in the other very late post/ blogs, (i.e., “Chopped Liver“) I originally wanted to catalogue all my experiences through out my cancer. But about half way through I sort of petered out. With all the fatigue, chemo fog, neuropathy, drama, stresses of trying to stay alive, … Ugh …

I use to get my port flushed every 6 to 8 weeks. When I got my port taken out, it slipped my mind to cancel my appointment and let them know that the port was out. When they called the day before to remind me, I was gutted that I forgot to tell them and apologized profusely. But they had nothing but cheers, good will, and congratulations, for me. So I thought to myself that I needed to celebrate this because they did! I wanted to do a full write up of the “Aftermath”. But I procrastinated, put it off, because there was this thing to do and that thing, Oh! And let’s not forget the other! I wanted it to be grand, a spectacular affirmation of love, life and all the wisdom that was bestowed to me and the universe abound! I wanted it to be grand, so I thought I better get all these things done before I start. so that there’ll be no distractions and I can focus on writing the aftermath of cancer masterpiece! … Well, we know how that ended up. …

3 November 2023 was my 1 year anniversary of my last chemo cycle and I missed it! OK, that wasn’t too long ago, but it was like getting hit over the head by a stale baguette. How could I have missed that? Shouldn’t I have celebrated a full year of being cancer free? And why didn’t I do more to celebrate getting that wretched port out of my chest? I’m somewhat overcome by guilt. I feel that by not remembering or celebrating, that I was being unappreciative of it’s significance. That I don’t appreciate that I had survived a whole year afterward, a year that I wasn’t suppose to have.

I want to say that so much has happened since where I left off with the last post, “Coyote Chemo Chronicles: The 4 Tricksters … “, as if I had this great new lease on life! Don’t get me wrong, I did have a whole new lease on life, but the day to day wasn’t much different than the way it was before my diagnosis. Still, struggling to pay bills, chasing down a paychecks, and so on. But now with the added worry of whether the cancer will come back? With every little ache and pain the question screams in my head; “Is it cancer?” Still, STILL trying to recover from the cancer, the surgeries, the chemo. It’s been a year and I’m STILL not right! Still recovering!

My memory is toast. Things that I know I knew before are just fragments. The fatigue is killer. My strength and coordination is hit or miss. The weight gain … For crying out loud … I look into the mirror and I throw up a little in my mouth. The bags under my eyes, the sagging jowls, the tummy rolls and droopy boobies … I have to say, the grey streaks in my hair, the badger stripes? They’re pretty darn cool! … Menopause … I fought my way through cancer right into the pit of menopause. I’m lucky, it seems. I don’t have the night sweats or heat flashes, or the emotional, hormonal roller coaster. I was told that the chemo tempers that. And it’s great not to bleed every month as well. But the weight gain, apron belly, sugar cravings, seeing yourself crumble more and more everyday is unbearable at times.

I know many of you are rolling your eyes, thinking; ‘Suck it up! You’re just getting old!”. I can’t argue with that. It’s not as though I expected to be young forever. I gave up that ghost a long time ago. What I didn’t expect was for it to happen seemingly overnight. It was less than 2 years ago, that I had a shadow of a 8 pack. I could drop into the splits. I could play my flute, knit and crochet with ease, draw mediocre sketches, remember the details of our very 1st conversation 20 years ago and get away with not wearing a bra, or even a sports bra for that matter. … 2 wks after my colectomy/appendectomy and before my 1 cycle of chemo. I got hit by a car. At the age of 50, riddled with cancer, I was still able to walk away from it. … All I did was blink and POOF! It was all gone. …

The peripheral neuropathy hasn’t gotten any better. To be fare it hasn’t gotten any worse. Unfortunately, at this point it’s permanent. And to make matters worse, because of family history, the peripheral neuropathy might be the result of multiple sclerosis. … Gawd! When does it end? … It’s not for certain yet. I’ve been referred to a neurologist and have had my MRI brain scan. Next step is a spinal tap which I’m on the waiting list for. Before my cancer diagnosis, I had developed symptoms that were indicative of MS. Being poor, without insurance, and knowing that there isn’t a cure, I started putting in place a lifestyle to manage the symptoms. Then when I got the cancer diagnosis, I figured those symptoms were because of the cancer. …*sigh* … How is it that I’m even alive? …

Now it wasn’t all doom, gloom and struggle. Thank goodness for Kevin. Kevin, most phenomenal, remarkable person and boyfriend there ever was and ever will be. He’s the voice of reason when I’m overwhelmed and frustrated. He’s my rock when I’m lost and floundering. He hangs tough when I’m feeling weak and fragile. Day in and day out, never wavering. His resolve makes the struggles worth the while. … I went to see him, to be with him this past May/June and it was the most scariest thing I have ever done in my entire life!

A quick recap: I had carried a torch for Kevin since I was 13 yrs old! We ran in very different circles, and back in the 80’s and those circles dare not mix. I pined from afar and only dreamed of us ever being together. Time marches on and Facebook hits the scene. As everyone is friending everyone they ever knew, I noticed Kevin was on it. My heart skipped a beat. It skipped several. Do I send him a friend request? I’m here in Ireland, the worst that can happen is that he doesn’t accept. I click send, and wouldn’t you know? He accepted! And so there, our conversation begins! In April 2022 he asked, of course I said HELL YES! We became official and I’ve never been happier! Damn I Love That Man!

… OK … Where was I? … SoooOOoOoooOOooooo … When I went to go see him back in May, it was the very 1st time we formally met in person! Absolutely BONKERS! My biggest fear was that at the airport he’d take one look at me from afar and be like; “NOPE!” Turn around and leave. I was so concerned, that I had plan B, C, D if that be the case. But to my amazement, my elation, it was NOT the case! Out of respect for Kevin and everyone involved, I’ll spare you all the details and just say that despite the all the worry, tying myself up into a bundle of nerves, and all the fear, never have I ever felt anything to be as natural as being with Kevin. Seriously! It was as if we’ve been together for ages! … We had the most wonderful time up in Canada and the Pacific North West!

I also got to stay with one of my very best friends and his two monkeys in Boise for about a week as well. With 2 years of covid lockdowns and a year and a bit of cancer surgeries and treatments, I, of course haven’t done any travelling or really seen anybody. So this was the 1st I got to visit with them in 4 years. Come to think of it. It was the 1st time in 4 years that I travelled anywhere!

I had another CT scan at the beginning of August. I was really nervous, worried about the results. This was 9 months after my last chemo cycle. 6 months after my last CT scan. The last scan showed that I was cancer free. But that was only 3 months out from chemo. I was told that the probability of the cancer returning is really high in the 1st 2 years for women my age. I was worried. Like I said earlier, with every ache and pain I had the question screamed in my head; “Is it cancer!?” I could barely get through the next 2 weeks before my appointment with my oncologist to go over the results. I couldn’t even begin to describe the relief when they told me that there was still no signs of cancer, that I’m still cancer free. I couldn’t even begin to describe the elation, when he gave the all clear to have the port removed! Fingers crossed I will never have to put the port back in!

I got the port taken out 2wks later, and it was, rather is, back to the ho-hum of life. Again, a life that I wasn’t suppose to have. No, there wasn’t any great revelation or any worldly wisdom wrought from my whole cancer experience, other than I did gain an appreciation of living. Something that I didn’t have before. Yes, it sucks to be constantly worried about bills, to be chasing down a pay check week to week. The possibility of having multiple sclerosis sucks. Growing old sucks. But I’m alive and living. I have Kevin, who I love so deep and dear. I have amazing friends and making new ones. So far, I beat the odds. I’m making it through, surviving, and still have some semblance of a sense of humor about it all. Or at least I think so! I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not, or if it even matters. It is what it is, whatever it is. So I’ll wrap this all up before I dive into contrived Facebook memes, with a quote that has been attributed to Mark Twain; “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” I got a 2nd chance to grow old, and I’ll to be sure not to waste it.

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Coyote Chemo Chronicles Cycle 2

April 15, 2022 at 1:07 am (Coyote Chemo Chronicles, Fitness Fight At 50+, My Own Private Train Wreck)
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I’m really late in posting this … Goes to show how the chemo can run you down, even after just 2 cycles …

24 March 2022

Round 2!

I get checked in and wait for the triage nurse to come and take my vitals and whatnots. I really have to pee, but I don’t. I know that they’ll ask me for a urine sample, AFTER I’m hooked up to all my chemo super powers drip feeds, trying to hold a skinny vial under a gushing stream of pee while managing drip feed lines is rather problematic. I’m holding it and will tell the nurse that I’m ready to pee, so give me the vile before I get hooked up! … And I’m waiting. … I have to pee … Still waiting … Have to pee … An hour later still waiting … I really have to pee … FINALY! The triage nurse calls me in!

“I know that I need to give a urine sample, and I really have to go now, so …”

“OK.” She interrupts “Just go take a seat in there.” She points to the triage room.

BUT I HAVE TO PEEEEEEE! I’m screaming to myself. I go anyway and sit, sulking in triage. My teeth are dancing at this point. The nurse comes back and starts taking my vitals. I still had to pee. She gets me up on the scale to get my weight. I gained weight! Go Figure! I had to pee! Then another nurse walked by and shouted in; “Watch out for your one, she’s looking to rob the super powers from the press!”

Wait!? What!? … OMG THEY DO HAVE SUPER POWERS! … Looks like I already have a reputation to maintain!

The triage nurse is done with me, tells me to go sit in one of the recliners and leaves before I could ask to get freakin’ pee vial so I can Pee! I’m desperate now. I grab the first person that walks by with a badge and say; “I need to pee NOW! PLEASE! Give me a vial!”

“Right!” She says. Goes into the cabinet in the room and hands me a vial. NOW WAS THAT SO HARD!? Goodness Gracious! …

Anyway, I get the job done, handed off my pee and got comfy in one of the recliners. Another nurse gets me all hooked up for the 1st dose that takes about 2 hours. I’m doing my sketches, checking messages, got some coffee and ginger nuts, thinking how am I going to get that nurse!

Then one that warned the triage nurse. Just then she walks into room to get something out of the supply cabinet.

“I heard there was a press full of super powers!” I said a bit louder than I should have … On purpose, of course. All the patients in the ward break out laughing. Then one yells out; “I’ll take the top shelf super powers!” We all had another round of laughter while the nurses head caught on fire. It was all good, she was chuckling too.

The 1st dose was done and now the 2nd dose was hooked up. This one was only going to take an hour this time. Before it was an hour and a half, and next time it’ll only be a half hour. I was taking a break from sketching and texting, and was sitting on my hands knocking my shoes together like a little kid. I think it was a Doctor that walk by and just stopped and glared at me. I’m not sure why she was glaring at me, maybe because I was knocking my shoes together? I took my hand out and folded them under my chin, squeezed my eyes shut. I knocked my shoes together and said; “There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!” I opened my eyes and looked around, and dropped my head. “Darn.” I said “I’m still here.”

She actually chuckled and said; “Looks like your shoes are broken!”

2nd dose done, and the chemo bottle hooked, I’m sent home on a really nice sunny day. Nice enough for me to spend the rest of the day outside in the back garden just basking in the sun.

25 March 2022

Anticipating the constipation, I took a Movicol sachet, and ate handfuls of dried apricots … Didn’t really help much but at least it wasn’t as bad as the last time. It was another warm sunny day, so the sensitivity to the cold wasn’t as apparent. The nausea was worse this time around, but still manageable. But spent another day out sitting and taking naps in the sun.

26 March 2022

Got the bottle taken out today. Again, it was in and out. The nurse laughed at how much tape was used to keep the little generator touching my skin. She said that I must have come from CUH because they always use A LOT of tape!

Afterward, I went straight to a meeting/think tank about environmental sustainability. I was still shaky from the chemo, but happy that I was aware enough to make a few contributions! I was absolutely wrecked afterward though. The nausea was still a problem, and the fatigue was taking over. So I basically went to bed really early, like around 7pm.

27 March 2022

Today was a busy busy day. I had the Cork Repair Café to set up, and a Zoom seminar. There weren’t a lot of people that came to the repair café, but we did a lot of networking, making many connections. The Zoom seminar caught me by surprise as in I forgot all about it until after the repair café. I was totally wrecked, but still soldiered through the seminar with Grand Master Sin Kwang Thé. We were learning Duck Tai Chi and Mulan Rings! I couldn’t pass it up. Not even with my cancer could I pass it up! Because it was being taught in the US the start time was 7pm here in Ireland. It ran until 1am. But it was well worth it!

28 March 2022

I did too much over the weekend! TOO TOOOOOO MUCH! I was so wiped out today, that I just slept for most of it.

My nose started bleeding. It wasn’t running out. Just when I blew my nose there’ll be blood. And my hair started falling out in small clumps. They said that I wouldn’t lose my hair completely, but it will thin out. Thank goodness I’m both literally and figuratively not at all attached to my hair. I figure, that I’ll go and get a pixie haircut, or a short bob halfway through the chemo. Then when the chemo is done once and for all, shave my head! That way, all the hair that grows will be fresh and new!

~*~*~*~

Everything started to revert to some kind of normal afterward. Back to the humdrum, back to the daily grind, back to fighting with the bureaucracy, back to trying to live a life worth living.

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No Turning Back Now, Coyote

March 2, 2022 at 1:39 am (Fitness Fight At 50+, My Own Private Train Wreck, Rant)
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The port is in … The chemo will start sometime next week …

Not much to say.

As I eluded to in my last post, I feel coerced into this decision. … Maybe ‘coerced’ is too strong a word?

I’m not happy with the decision. … What it came down to is the government allowances/benefits that I’ve been beating my head against the wall for 5 weeks to get. Still don’t have them yet. If I don’t do the chemo, I’m not eligible for them. So I’ll be struggling, suffering, and miserable with cancer. … Yeah … If I do the chemo, I’ll still be struggling, suffering, and miserable, with cancer, but I will at least have some financial support to buy some comfort foods to wallow in.

I didn’t actually actively make the decision. I just went along with it, thinking that something give me the courage to say no, or that something will compel me to go full steam ahead. Neither happened. I just went along with it. … And there I was, sedated, numbed, prepped and ready for them to insert the port. It was then that I conceded, sighed, and asked; “Will the superpowers kick in this afternoon? Or will I have to wait a few days? Will I get x-ray vision? Maybe mind reading? … I’ll be happy with just being able to talk with animals …”

It took them all a moment. I wonder if they thought I was serious. I mean, I was sedated. They came to after a bit and all fell in line with my sense of humour. I nearly laugh the whole time throwing out the most inane one liners, the nurses followed suit with a few of their own. What else was I going to do? No point in crying about it at this stage.

I was brought back to the recovery bay, and the nurses brought me coffee, toast and jam. I was delighted!

There’s no turning back now.

Sure, I can stop the chemo if it gets too rough. But then I’ll be sick, too weak to recover from the chemo, too weak to tolerate the cancer. … The only way out of this death swamp is to go straight through it, for better or for worse.

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A Tertiary Coyote’s 2022 Thus Far (13 Feb 22)

February 13, 2022 at 10:33 pm (My Own Private Train Wreck, Rant)
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Let’s make a list shall we?

  • I go to A&E at CUH on Sat 22 Jan 2022 because of severe abdominal pain. Honestly believing that it was nothing more than a really painful period. Yep, “women’s problems”.
  • Get x-rayed, and the surgeons on duty think that it’s appendicitis or some sort of perforation of the colon … There’s a fancier name for it, I just don’t remember … I don’t think I would be able to pronounce it and/or spell it if I did … Diverticulitis? … Need a CT scan to be sure.
  • I’m admitted to CUH, stay the night and have the CT scan on Sunday late morning. That afternoon, another surgeon comes and tells me that there is a perforated tumor blocking my appendix that is also perforated and leaking. They need to do a colectomy, taking out part of my large and small colon along with my appendix and reconnect the bits that are left. And that they will have to do it that night.
  • Other emergencies that are more life threatening than my situation came up that night so my surgery is pushed to 1st thing Monday morning. After my surgery, I’m told that they believe they got all the tumors out in my colon, but there were lesions on my liver.
  • Friday 28 January 2022, the biopsy/test results came in and the tumors that were on my colon and the lesions on my liver are/were indeed cancerous. I have stage 4 cancer. They think it’s treatable with 3 months of chemo.
  • Monday 7 February 2022, I meet with my oncologist, and see the CT scan. Found out that they also removed 17 suspicious lymph nodes, one of which was cancerous. The cancerous lesion on my liver is 4 cm in diameter surrounding my hepatic artery and portal vein. … They also found a 6mm lesion on my lung. … No, no, it’s not 3 months of chemo anymore, it’s 6 months of chemo. Then they will see IF they can do surgery at the end. If not then it’s just a matter of making me comfortable for the remainder of my life.
  • Thursday 10 February 2022, 2:30pm I get hit by a car crossing the street. Though the paramedics checked me from head to toe and felt that I was fine, because of my recent surgery, they wanted to take me to CUH to get checked out to make sure that nothing fell apart in the accident. Waited in the same chair and pod I did on the 22 Jan 22 … More x-rays, more scans … Had a mild concussion, strained wrist and elbow.
  • Friday 11 February 2022 … The CT scan of my head that they did the night before because I had a mild concussion showed that I have a calcified lesion on the back of my brain …

Really now? … I’m running out of organs!

… I’m wondering what more is going to happen …

I’m not angry. I’m not sad. I’m not worried. … No amount of that is going to change things … I take small comfort knowing that this cancer has been with me for a very long time. Maybe since I was a child. I can pin down a few rather traumatic events in my early childhood that could very well have caused the onset of this cancer. But none of us will ever know for certain. Which means that there was absolutely nothing that I could have done differently to prevent this. There’s absolutely nothing that any of you who might be reading this, or who might know me could have done differently to prevent this. I’ve always had a very active lifestyle that weighted on the healthier side of things … So this was inevitable, regardless …

… It’s not as though I’m feeling nothing, or am numb. I’m feeling impatient and frustrated that “things” aren’t moving fast enough. Paperwork, computer work, forms, copies, certifications, statements, phone calls, bank accounts … Even, medical appointments and such … What more needs to happen to me for them to realize that I will need support medically and financially? This all needs to be settled before I start chemo, because if I do go through with the chemo, I won’t have the energy and wear with all to be dealing with it, which will make an even bigger mess if I come out the other end. … It is what it is, so let just get on with it!

Yes … IF …

I’ve made my peace a long time ago about dying. Long before my cancer diagnosis. I’m not afraid. So yeah, I’m entertaining the idea of just taking my chances with the cancer and not going through with the chemo. I see it as 6 months of getting sicker and sicker with a very uncertain outcome verses 6 months of being aware & living my best life …

And please … Please don’t be blowing a bunch of sunshine up my ass about; “OH! But you have so much to live for, to fight for!” bullshit. Nobody knows what I have to live or fight for. Nobody. Please do not put me on trial to testify of why. … Please don’t lecture me either, … about how I should think or feel about my situation. Not even my doctors and nurses have the right to do that.

Most of all please trust that I do cherish all of you! That I do so very much appreciate all your help and support! Whether it is just in passing, or a WordPress Reader, or close and intimate, I can’t even describe how deeply honored I am to know such REMARKABLE people as yourselves!

Well, I need to finish this up. I have a lot of work to do. A lot to prepare. A lot to think about. …

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Fitness Fight At 50+ 013122

February 2, 2022 at 10:20 pm (Fitness Fight At 50+, My Own Private Train Wreck)
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If you want to follow this train wreck from the start, just click SCREAMING

If you want to jump into this hand basket from the start of my hospitalization, just click, New Ring Of Hell

28 – 31 January 2022

I’m on the home stretch now. All the tubes, catheters wires are all out. I’m mobile, though slow … very slow, and the pain is being managed. So, now it’s just waiting to fart and poop!

It’s Amazing to me. All my perceptions of hospital stays after surgery comes from the US. Horror stories of people getting sliced, diced, stitched and send home in the same day. Then they get a doctor’s call the next day. People being shuffled through as fast as possible with nothing more than “You’re fine. Here’s your bill. Go home!” After my surgery, my doctor came and visited me every morning and most evenings as well. With the exception of one night, I had nurses attending to me every couple of hours, checking this and that, making sure I was comfortable. I was pampered!

On the Friday I had Nurse Anne come to me. She’s a nurse practitioner specializing in gastroenterology, that is kind of a liaison/counselor. The go to person after I check out of the hospital to call if I had any questions and/or concerns. We had a great conversation. Obviously I’m wanting to know what may have caused this. There’s no family history of cancer. At least not on my Father’s side. At this point I don’t know that it’s cancer or not. The biopsy hadn’t come in yet. Of course I started looking things up. Particularly the correlation between stress and cancer. Surprisingly, contrary to popular belief, stress does not cause cancer! I’ll say that again in a different way. There is virtually NO correlation of stress causing cancer. It does however, have a significant correlation to the development thereof. I got this information from abstracts written from cancer research institutions around the world. Still, I wanted some verification. So Nurse Anne and I talked about it in great detail. I was so happy that she didn’t talk down to me and talked to me with all the medical jargon. Or at least I think she did.

I also gave both Nurse Anne and Dr Waters another possibility to look into. Whether they will or not I doubt I will ever know. When I was in my late 20’s early 30’s I worked in a verity of different environmental testing laboratories. We used A LOT of DMC Dimethyl Chloride or Dichloromethane. It’s a solvent that we used for … goodness, everything! Titrations, separations, … everything … You’re suppose to wear all the protective gear and work in a fume hood, but we’re never so careful. We were happy that the fume hood would work at all sometimes. The thing is, it’s absorbed into your body and can attack the liver. … So my head is spinning, could that have been the start of all this? Anyway, Nurse Anne was lovely and I so appreciate her talking with me!

After Nurse Anne came and talked with me, a social worker was assigned to me! His name is Livingston, from Uganda. He had a spectacular demeanor! You couldn’t feel anything but peace and calm when he is around. I was so surprised! They actually assigned someone to me to help me figure out how to get a medical card so that I can pay for all my medical bills, rent allowance so that I can have a place to live, and illness benefits so that I have money to pay my bills and buy groceries!? When did I become so special!?!?

… Amazing!… Simply Amazing! …

CUH is a teaching hospital. A lot like the TV show “Scrubs” I suppose. I had 3 students come and visit me all asking the same questions, but in different ways and to have a look at my tummy. One poor soul had the lecturer pop in and ask him to give an impromptu analysis of his notes with me as his visual aide! I think he did well. The lecturer seemed impressed …

Friday was the 1st day that I was on solid food. A light diet they called it. Breakfast was fine. Gluten free toast, tea with oatmilk. That went down well enough. Lunch was cod, mashed potato, and consommé. Let me list that in more realistic terms: textured protein, starch, salt … I couldn’t barely get it down. Dinner was consommé, and scrabbled eggs. … I couldn’t finish it. It stuck in my throat. I nearly gagged. I think the only reason why I didn’t gag or barf was because I knew the pain that would ripple up from my staples would kill me. It was hard enough to even yawn, let alone gag. All night the nurses were asking if I had passed wind or if my bowels opened up. I had to laugh every time they asked. It was as if I was the gate keeper to the gates of hell and they were wondering when I was going to fling the gates open! I hadn’t eaten any solid food in a week. Really? Will some toast, a bit of cod and a small scoop of potato enough food to make a poop?

Saturday, morning again breakfast was fine. Toast and tea. Again the nurses were asking if my bowels have opened up. I was getting desperate. The only thing keeping me in the hospital right then was that I hadn’t pooped. The Lunar New Year, Tét, was on Tuesday 1 Feb. I wanted to get home so that I can do a few more things before then. Like cut my hair, alter some clothes, clean up the house, etc… At this rate I’m going to be spending New Year’s in the hospital wondering if I’ll ever poop again! … Well, I needed to force the issue. I talked to the nurses to see if it was OK if I got Richard to make me a dinner and drop it by. They were fine with it! So I sent Richard a recipe of a simple dish that a friend use to make for another friend that was recovering from cancer. We called it “ground mash” but I changed it for Ireland speak and called it “mince mash”. Basically it’s sautéed beef mince, mixed in with mashed sweet potato, cauliflower, carrots, spring onion and regular potato. Yeah a little bit of fiber and bulk to get the bowels moving… Oh! and some goats yoghurt. I can’t have the cow yoghurt they have here. I’ve been drowning in antibiotics since the surgery, I needed something to re-bacterialize my gut. … It was all set up, made up and delivered. There was enough for 3 meals! I ate about 1/3. It wasn’t half bad. I waited. … Nothing on Saturday afternoon or night. But I was passing wind, so I know that it was coming. Sunday morning, still nothing. Had the breakfast of toast and tea. Spent the day walking around and messing on social media. Lunch comes around. Dry chicken with a dribble of brown stuff and consommé. Ugh … I actually cut up the chicken and a put it in the consommé along with the mince mash and made a kind of soupy thing. It was alright. Still nothing. Still walking around trying to get things moving. Seriously! I really don’t remember anything else I did on Saturday and Sunday other than trying to make enough poop to actually poop so that the nurses and the doctors know that everything is working properly so that they can send me home before New Years …

Finally … FINALLY! … At around 6:30pm I farted. I went to the toilet and EUREKA!!! I POOPED! I was so happy that after I cleaned myself up and flushed, I ran out to the nurses office with my fists high up in the airs shouting “I POOPED!” They all laughed! They said that they called Dr Waters right away! It was such a relief. Because as much as I wanted to get home before New Years. I didn’t want to go home, and then find out that things arn’t working and then end up back in the hospital. I felt comfortable enough to go home knowing that everything was working.

Monday morning. I’m up early enough. I start packing up my stuff knowing that I’ll be discharged later. Dr. Waters comes by with his entourage. He’s looking rather grave. He tells me that my biopsy results are back. He tells me straight that it was cancer. He said that they feel they have cut out all of it. That I will need at least 3 months of chemo to burn out the residue and then another surgery if the chemo didn’t get it all. And that’s that. I have cancer.

Everyone I’m telling are a bit baffled about how well I’m taking it. You see, I do believe that there isn’t a situation no matter how dower it may be that doesn’t warrant a bit of levity. It is what it is. A phrase that a friend told me about a whole other situation, but can be so aptly applied in this one. It is what it is. No amount of worry, or crying, or anger is going to change it. So rev up the engines and just get on with it! … Make a bit of fun of it on the way. Why the hell not!?

Well, I got dressed, finished packing. I got all my letters and documents. Rang up Richard who had a lift arranged for me. Met him and his friend that was driving down in reception and went home with a quick stop at the pharmacy/chemist to pick up my prescription. Got home, and was happy that Sprite remembered me. I cut about 3 inches off the length of my hair. I jumped into the shower and it was pure bliss! I stayed in there for nearly and hour. I made “mince mash” again for dinner. I was exhausted at this point and just laid down in bed without eating. I might have dosed off for awhile. I did eat a little. Watched Ocean’s 12 with Richard and then fell asleep.

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Fitness Fight At 50+ 012722

January 30, 2022 at 6:33 pm (Fitness Fight At 50+, My Own Private Train Wreck)
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If you want to follow this train wreck from the start, just click SCREAMING

25 – 27 January 2022

The next 3 days all ran together with 2 pain crisis episodes. So I might be a bit out of order in my explanations of daily events.

There was a long period of time that I was just laying in bed messing around on my phone, trying to swallow the tub in my nose. It was like that string of spaghetti that you only swallowed halfway. It didn’t hurt just kept swallowing trying to get it out of the way. They gave me this toy of sorts to facilitate breathing exercises. I had to suck in through a tube and try and keep all 3 balls up at the top. Thank goodness I didn’t crow about being a martial arts instructor that taught breathing techniques, because my first go at it I could barely keep the first ball up! Every so often a nurse would come in with a glove filled with a bit of ice to check my sensitivity around my hips, legs and torso. Also to take my blood pressure … “vitals” I think it’s called and asking if I had “passed wind”. There was a bit of a bustle to help me get out of bed, get a sponge bath, take out some of the tubes, leg massager, bells and some whistles, then back to bed. That tube in my nose was a big surprise! I just thought it went back into my throat. Welp! Nope! It went all the way down to my stomach! I swear the thing was a 1000 miles long!

Charlie one of the main nurses there told me that getting in and out of bed will be my main focus for the next day or two. When I was able to get in and out of bed on my own the nurses took out the catheter. OH THE FREEDOM! I now have a little insight on what it’s like for men to have this thing swinging about between their legs. But how in this Universe they can get any notions of strength and power is beyond me! It’s like your being tethered to all that is confining, hollow, and depressing.

After my tether was out and could get in and out of bed on my own. I was able to put on a fresh pair of pyjamas instead of the backless hospital lingerie. I started to feel a little pain niggle in my side opposite the side that I had the operation on. It wasn’t bad, only a niggle, so I ignored it. That’s what I would normally do anyway. Turns out that was not the thing to do!

Well, it was time for another CT scan. This time to check up in my chest area, to see if there were any tumours, shadows, lesions, etc… in my lungs. Even though I was somewhat mobile, I wasn’t up for walking down to the astronaut training site to get the CT done. So I was sat in a wheelchair and wheeled down. The pain in my side was getting progressively worse. By time we got to the CT scanner thingy machine I was nearly doubled over. But I soldiered on. Got in the thing, put my hands up over my head, held my breath felt warm, breath … breath … breath … Just breath through the pain … breath through the pain. Back in the chair, wheeled back up … How did I get back into bed … breath … breath … breath through the pain … UGHHHH GAAAAWD THIS HURTS! … breath … breath … breath through the pain … MAKE IT STOP! … breath … PLEASE! … breath … Breath … BREATH … Nurses, doctors, … Are they talking to me? … What are they saying? … Lift me up, set me back down … sit me up … cold … cold cold cold running up and down my back … Things are coming back into focus. … Breath, breath, breath … POOF! And we’re back!

One of the tubes that they didn’t take out earlier was the epidural catheter in my back. So they just simply hooked me back up to the epidural machine again. Unfortunately what that meant was that I had to have the urine catheter back in again. They said that I wouldn’t have much feeling down there to know when I had to go to the toilet. … Ugh! Back in it goes and back in the backless hospital lingerie. This sucked! In my mind, it was a step backward.

There was a lovely vampire that came and took blood from me every morning, and a physio-therapist that made sure I got out of bed to sit in a chair and walk a lap or 2 up and down the corridor. I was put on a liquid diet, and it was brought to me at the appropriate times. And again every so often a nurse would come by take my vitals and give me a cocktail of pills to take. At some point they took me back off the epidural. They kept the tubes in just in case, and put me on oral pain meds.

It was all going well until one night where there was a staff change. There was a different night staff altogether. I thought I remembered Debbie one of the nurses that had been tending to me say that I was to get the meds every 4 to 6 hrs. I didn’t thing that I had to ask for them. So 9pm comes around, this is 5hr after my last dose, and I’m feeling that same niggling in my side. I catch a nurse and tell her that I’m feeling some pain. She looks at my charts and says; “OK fine, I’ll get you something.” Gee I felt bad about asking. About 1/2hr later she comes back with the meds. I’m just on the edge too so I gulped them down. About 15 min later, I was OK and went back to being snarky on Facebook. I was dozing here and there, may have fallen asleep, but woke up at 1am with a bit more than a niggle in my side. I catch the nurse and ask; “Am I due some medication?” She checks my chart again. Shakes her head and says; “I’ll get you something.” I was starting to wonder if she though I was just faking it to get the meds, tuck them away and sell them on the street!? The room was full of going ons. Every was beep of every instrument of every patient was going off, there was another patient that needed to be tended too several times. The room was soooooooooooo hot … There was no rest to be had … 5:30am rolls around and that niggle in my side comes back. A nurse jets by my bed and I just couldn’t be bothered. I was so tired and I didn’t want to her to think I was begging for drugs … I don’t know … Most never think well in these situations… The pain is getting worse and worse. I try calling out but it comes out as a whimper. They don’t notice. I degrade to just whimpering and holding my side. Still they don’t notice. I fade into a different place. Don’t pass out, keep breathing … I remember seeing Carol, one of the nurses that was suppose to come on the day shift. Has that much time past. She asked me something but I couldn’t answer. She goes away and comes back with pills. I was shaking and barely got them down. She went away again and came back with the pain nurse who is one AWESOME BATTLE AXE! In my recovering fogginess I tried to explain what happened. I told them that I didn’t know that I was suppose to ask for the meds and begged not to be put on the epidural again. The nurses were talking among themselves. The pain nurse was livid! I heard a lot of angry sounds and managed to catch “She wasn’t suppose to ask …” A great wave of relief came over me. It wasn’t all the night staff nurses fault I think. I have a feeling it was written on my chart 4 to 6 hours and they were probably focused on the 6 hours.

I was suppose to start on a ”light diet”, but in the morning after I had a cup of tea. I went for a walk with the physio therapist. I suddenly felt nauseous. I was able to breathe through it while she went to get a barf bowl. I felt well enough to continue the walk, but then it came back. Again I tried to breath through it, But it all came out. I say “all”, but “all” was just a cup of tea with oatmilk. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I thought the heave would tear through my staples, but no, it just came up in 2 bouts and I was fine. But because I threw up, they’re keeping me on liquids for another day. Honestly, I think I got sick because of the heat in the room, I’m staying in.

When I sobered up, I got moved to the room I started in. AH! The room was cooler, not so warm and there were only 4 of us that were stable enough to were an alarm on our machines weren’t going off every 3 min. Dr. Waters came in later to check on me and see how things were going. I told him what happened. He was not pleased. I’m sure he had a few words. He got the nurses to take out the urine catheter and the epidural catheter in my back. I couldn’t sleep on my back, because of it, but had to because I couldn’t yet sleep on my sides because of the surgery. Nice to get back into a fresh pair of pyjamas that Ricky brought up for me, and again spent the day being snarky on Facebook and catching up with messages. The meds came regularly and I didn’t have to ask for them. Went to bed about 11:30 pm. Was worried how it was going to work with the meds because I would be due at 3 am. Will the wake me up? I went to bed anyway and at about 3:30am a niggling pain in my side woke me up. I told the nurse on duty and she got me sorted. Gee that easy.

In the morning, Dr Waters came by for his visit. I told him about waking at 3:30 am. He decided to put me on the infamous oxicotton! I was surprised! I’m to take one at 10am and then again at 10pm. I’m not sure how to think about that, but I’ll go with it for now. It’ll only be for a couple of weeks at most I hope. He also said that I could start on solid food, a “light diet” … I can’t believe I was actually excited about it.

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Fitness Fight At 50+ 012322

January 28, 2022 at 10:48 pm (Fitness Fight At 50+, My Own Private Train Wreck)
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If you want to follow this train wreck from the start, just click SCREAMING

23 January 2022

It was a long waiting game today. I woke up to a flurry of nurses taking my blood pressure, taking my blood, my temperature. Giving me more painkillers, more fluids. I had no idea what time it was. Just knew it was Sunday. They told me I had to go for a CT scan. Had to take off all the jewellery, even a toe ring that I’ve had on for 20 years!

I walked down to the CT scan with a young woman, maybe in her 20s who was in a wheelchair. I asked the porter if this is where we get our superpowers. He only giggled. We got down to the CT room, and saw the machine. The first words out of my mouth was ”That looks like something the astronauts train on! Are we training for space travel?” That at least got a bigger chuckle. The girl went first. She came out vomiting in a bowl. ”Oh boy!” I thought. ”And I’m next?” Despite spitting up in her bowl. She manages say to me ”It doesn’t look like they’re giving anybody any superpowers today.” … Bless her heart! …

”Well maybe,”’ I said; ” It’ll take awhile for it to kick in?”

”Yeah, it probably does!” She said

I went in and was told to lay down on the bench which would pass you through this giant ring. They shot me full of some kind of ‘contrast’ and told me to put my arms over my head. They also told me that the contrast was going to make me feel warm and listen to the breathing instructions. The machine is turned on and I get pushed through the machine. The machine tells me to hold my breath and I do. I move through the machine and the machine tells me to breath. Sure enough, I felt a slow burn through my torso. The process was repeated for good measure. Then I was done! I came out and the young lady asked me; ”Any superpowers?”

”We’ll see!” I answered. We chatted for a little bit. Here I’m griping about waiting for 9 and a half hours, she had to wait 28 hrs! … I was lucky. VERY lucky to get in at 9 and a half hours …

Now I don’t want to argue about socialized health care and that this is the result of it. Extreme waits at the ER and so on. Blah Blah Bullshit! The long wait is because of this Covid pandemic. Regardless of whether you think it’s real or not, this is the result. At least every person who checks in will get looked at. I’ve heard stories about other places in a particular country will turn people away. I don’t know if that is true or not. But believe me, every person will get looked after, even while they wait to see a doctor.

When I got back to my bed wasn’t much to do but wait for the results of the CT Scan. So I just fiddled around on my phone. I don’t know what time it was. I just know it was still light outside when one of the surgeons came up to talk with me. He wasn’t cheerful. He told me that they found a perforated tumour obstructing my appendix which was also perforated and leaking. There were some shadows/lesions on the very lower end of my liver as well. He said that it has to come out and that they should do it tonight. I asked him if it was cancer, and he said yes.

Well, it is what it is. There’s no crying about it now.

The doctor drew some pictures and showed me that they were going to take out a part of my large colon, appendix, and a bit of my small colon. Then they are going to re attach the rest of the small colon to the rest of the large colon. Then some nurses came in and gave me the procedure to get ready for the operation, compression socks, and a hospital gown. It was dark outside when all was said and done.

I waited. At about 10:30 pm another surgeon came up to me and said that there was a change of plans. There were a lot of life threatening surgeries that needed to happen before mine. So mine go pushed to 1st think in the morning. … There was nothing more I could do but go to sleep and see what happens in the morning.

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Fitness Fight At 50+ 012222

January 23, 2022 at 7:15 pm (My Own Private Train Wreck, Fitness Fight At 50+)
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If you want to follow this train wreck from the start, just click SCREAMING.

20 January 2022

Went swimming at 8:30am today. FANTASTIC time to go! I didn’t have to get up too early, so I was able to snooze and snuggle with Sprite for a little longer. And the pool wasn’t crowded. Not like it is at 7am. I now have my swimming routine! I think I will go swimming at 8:30am on Mondays, Thursdays, & Fridays, and then 4pm on Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. I’ll take a break over the weekend. It’s good to get back into the swimming. Because when I swim that’s all I’m doing. I don’t have to talk to anyone. I don’t have answer questions or solve any problems or listen to anyone’s bull pucky about this and that, about her, him and them … I just swim …

Today was a bit harsh from the sauna. I went in for my 10 min. I thought I was OK, but today it just triggered something. I got nauseous. Then the “hug”. I felt like my ribs were going to crack. Was it the possible MS? Or was it just heat exhaustion? Or both? … Still, heat exhaustion after only 10min! I managed to get through it. Thank goodness I was in a private shower stall so that no one could see what I was going through. I didn’t want anybody to panic or talk to me. I just wanted to get through it and go home. Which I did. Had a headache for the rest of the day. So I wasn’t in the best of moods. The brain fog was back. Also, on the walk home my left hip just gave out. I managed to shift my weight to my right and root. Thank You Shaolin Training!

Just had 2 thin slices of the sourdough rye that I had made, with a couple of flakes of goat’s butter, an egg, both black and white pudding – baked, a pear and a satsuma. I really couldn’t eat much else.

21 January 2022

5 Days in a row I’ve been swimming! No issue today with the sauna. Had stomach issues though. …

I wish I could have a day or a week or a just sometime where I’m not struggling with one issue or another. I really don’t know what would have caused my “gastric dumping” other than the return of my ulcers. I went out and got fresh mackerel. I steamed it with shallots, mushrooms, tomatoes and broccoli. On the side I had mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes with spring onions. Could it have been the broccoli? I had broccoli last week, if I remember right, and there was no problem. So I spent most of the day and evening getting through one stomach cramp after another.

22 January 2022

OH GAWD!

I woke up in the morning still with the stomach pain. I felt so weak. Went to class. Could barely teach. Finally one of my black belts made the call for me and told me to cancel classes for the rest of the day and took me to the hospital.

There was a 15 to 20 hr wait! I was gonna go home, but pain ripped through my stomach and I had to sit down. Then a Doctor walked by she asked if I was OK. I told her my story. She told me to go to reception and get checked in. That way I can at least get some fluids and something to treat the pain. I figured what can that hurt? Maybe it’ll all get taken care of and I’ll just go home. But NOOOOOOOO! Once you’re in you can’t leave until they say you can leave! So I embarked on my 15 to 20hr wait!

Well, I got hooked up to a saline drip and some anti-inflammatories & painkillers. Then sat in a chair up against a partition to something. I was there for about an hour before I was moved to a bit more comfy chair in small cubicle of sorts. The painkillers weren’t working very well so the nurse gave me a different kind of pain killer. It worked a little. I was, and still am so tired, so so tired… I’d doze off, but not for long before I woke startled from who knows what. Which just made me more and more tired. The nurses came around at about 5 with some food. I tried the ham sandwich but it made my pains a little worse. Then at about 6:30 pm the fire alarms went off. Nobody was getting up to go anywhere. Why was everyone sit sitting around! Not even the medical staff tried to clear people out. Then the alarms stopped … then started again … then stop and started yet again. This went o for a thousand years! I was so exhausted I started shaking. Finally at about 8:30am A Doctor came to see me. Poked and prodded, made me jump a half dozen times then sent me back to the chair. An hour or so later I went for and X-ray. Then about another hour later the Doctor came out and said that it looks like appendicitis and that a surgeon will come and talk with me. Another hour and the surgeon came out and again poked and prodded, made me jump a half dozen times. He said that I needed a CT scan, but it won’t happen until tomorrow. Well, I guess I’m staying the night! The nurses doped me up with painkillers and antibiotics. They found me a bed at around 2am. I was so exhausted that the loud snoring from the bed next to me didn’t bother at me AT ALL!

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Fitness Fight At 50+ 011222

January 12, 2022 at 9:00 pm (Fitness Fight At 50+, My Own Private Train Wreck)
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I jumped in this hand basket on 17 December 2021. If you want to jump in and head into the inferno from the start, just click SCREAMING.

10 January 2022 Day 1 of 7 Cooked Whole Foods:

Today I was suppose to start on the strict 100% whole foods diet or bust. You’d think I’d be looking forward to to this day. Eating solid food after 24 days of fasts and foods cooked to nearly mush I should be welcoming a salad or a pear, or a rare steak. But it seemed too big a jump. So, I’m going to add a transition week of eating solid food, but all cooked. Nothing raw. Not yet. I’ll work my way into that slowly. My ‘systems’ run ‘cold’. Eating cold/raw veggies can upset my digestion, causing cramping and spasms. The healthier I am the more cold/raw foods I can eat. I just don’t feel that I’m there yet. When I am at ready for the cold/raw foods. I’m not sure if I can do the “… or bust …” part of the diet. I know that I’ll have the control at this point not eat a whole cake or even a candy bar. But will I have the control not to take a bite here and there when I’m out with friends or celebrating this or that?

Here are the rules for my strict whole foods diet:

~No deep fried foods
~No processed foods. Nothing that comes in a package, can/tin, jar. Exceptions = Olive, rapeseed, coconut oil, vinegars, pickled/fermented foods from local markets, honey, blackstrap molasses.
~No cow milk products. Exceptions = On occasion, organic locally produced goat/sheep’s milk products.
~No eggs, no nuts, no wheat, no bananas, processed sugar and grains, no polyunsaturated oils: cottonseed, grape seed, safflower, corn, and sunflower oils. Exceptions = Homemade bread made with organic spelt and/or rye and sourdough wheat bread.
~Only allowed whatever amount 2 tablespoons of ground coffee makes per day. No instant coffee.
~No milk alternatives; ie… oat milk, soy milk, almond milk, etc…
~Only approx the equivalent of 3 shots of alcohol per week! For scale: 1 shot (1.5oz) of whiskey = 12oz of beer.
~Have approx. 18hrs between my last meal of the day and the 1st meal of the day. This is not for weight loss, though it would be a nice benefit. It’s because my digestive system is weak and slow. And it really needs to take long breaks. After going through a 3 day water fast and 6 days of veggie & bone broth without starving to death, I think I can go 18 hours without food.


Today I had the leftover straight up veggie soup from yesterday. Then mashed Irish potato, sweet potato, & carrots with Spring onions. Used rapeseed oil, instead of butter in the mash. I also had some very steamed broccoli.

Now that the house is flipped and I have everything sorted for the most part, I have to get started on all the computer work and getting things ready for my classes that are starting this coming Saturday. I’m thinking that this is going to be a harder week to get through than last week. Last week was physical sorting through actual stuff. Now it’s sorting through computer stuff virtual stuff, accounts, social media, waiting on replies, sitting in an uncomfortable chair that’s disintegrating my psoas muscles. I need to set a timer to remind myself to get up and stretch every hour or so.

11 January 2022 Day 2 of 7 Cooked Whole Foods:

Hard morning. My legs hurt. It felt like the muscles in both my shins were being torn off. I got up at 9am went to the loo then went back to bed for an hour. At least my legs stop hurting. Didn’t feel like I accomplished much of what I set out to do. By time I settled down to do anything the day was almost over. On the upside, I didn’t have to take any of my inhalers today. My tongue is clearer, still twitches, and is still scalloped, but better. The dark circles around my eyes are clearing up too. Still baggy though.

I went full veggie today. Just 2 large bowls of veggie barely soup made from scratch. Happy enough that I didn’t get any indigestion from the barley. So something must be getting better.

One little lifestyle change that I decided to make today, it’s very small … Is that I’m going to do my best to sit and eat my food, even if it’s just a snack. Not to eat on the move. Again, it’s all the hippie dippy hipster stuff of being aware of your food, and ‘experiencing’ your food instead of inhaling it and feeling empty wanting more.

12 January 2022 Day 3 of 7 Cooked Whole Foods:

3 days in on the self inflicted only “cooked whole foods” and I balk. Not in a bad way, and it didn’t cause any issue. I had a pear and about a half cup/4 oz of organic plain goat’s yogurt. Had no issues with it’s digestion, but I could certainly feel it churning!

Last night I was freezing. My toes were numb. I only hope that they were numb because it was cold and not for any other reason. It wasn’t particularly cold, yet I was freezing. My body temperature runs on the lower end of average 96.8 F. No matter what I did I just couldn’t warm up. I’m wondering if it’s because I didn’t eat enough hardy food yesterday. Again, just 2 large bowls of veggie barely soup. So today, since I was going to be in town anyway, I figured that I’d drop by the English Market and pick up some chicken hearts & gizzards to make a spicy curry to help warm me up. I ended up getting local free range chicken hearts and I was shocked to see how big they were! Yeah, there’s a BIG difference between free range and battery caged!

I made the curry from scratch! And I ended up making A LOT! I’ll be eating curry for the next day or 2! I had it with organic long grained brown rice. One bowl was quiet filling and I think it’s doing the trick in keeping me warm!

I had a bit of a scare at around 3am this morning. I woke up feeling like someone was stomping on my chest. I had to concentrate on breathing. I didn’t know if it was that “Hug”, a symptom of MS, or asthma, or an anxiety attack. Can you have an anxiety attack in your sleep? Or some combination of the 3! Then I heard/felt a gurgle in the upper part of my right lung and told myself that it was just the asthma. I did some deep breathing until the gurgle went away and fell back to sleep. In the morning, I was sure to take my turbo inhaler.

I’m gonna go ahead and post this. There’s a lot here. Want to break it up a bit especially since I’ll be resuming classes again this Saturday. I’m sure I’ll lots to say. If a post is too long, you’ll all loose interest!

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