I Nearly Quit My Job

I nearly quit my job

Another double shift on Sunday 16hrs no breaks,

Scheduled to do a 10hrs on Monday night, but got a call @ 3:30am … AM …

Tired, fatigued, exhausted, back to back double shifts, 32hrs in a 48hr period,

I nearly quit my job

OK, I’ll help out, OK just one more time, OK I’ll help out until there’s more staff,

3 years later…

I nearly quit my job

Tired, fatigued, exhausted… Tired, fatigued, exhausted…

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes… One costing me €100 …

FUCK! I just worked 10hrs for FUCKIN’ NOTHING! …

I nearly quit my job

The anxiety, chest tight, throat tight, shaking, shaking, can’t breath

Customers panic, are you OK, are you Ok, are you OK…

Dizzy, but still on my feet, calm down, calm down, calm down…

I nearly quit my job

I had it planned.

I’ll finish this shift, & not come in for the next…

I’ll finish this shift, & give 2 weeks notice…

I’ll finish this shift & quit in February before Tet…

I’ll finish this shift & quit when she comes back from holidays …

I’ll finish this shift & quit after I’m back from my holidays …

I’ll finish this shift & …

I nearly quit my job

If you hate it just quit!

If it’s affecting your health just quit!

If management won’t do that, or this just quit!

If it’s taking away from your happiness just quit!

If it’s destroying your relationships just quit!

Just quit! Just Quit! JUST QUIT!

I nearly quit my job

But what about my rent? I live paycheck to paycheck, the rent is going up

But what about my bills? Not that I have many, I’m very frugal, but they keep asking for more

But what about food? I guess I’ll go without

I nearly quit my job

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My Stay At The Rose Hotel

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A The Great Rose Hotel Of Tralee! A 4 star hotel where all the Roses of the Rose of Tralee stay.  It’s known to every Irish resident from Letterkenny to Dingle. Just mention the Rose Hotel to any of them and they will respond with a loving sigh followed with “Oh Lovely”.  I made the bookings nearly a year ago. Got a really good deal for 3 nights. Sat on it for a few months and then when November came around and people starting talking, when people started asking what you were going to do over the holidays, I told them that I was staying with the boyfriend at the Rose Hotel for 3 nights… “… *Sigh* … Oh Lovely!” They would proceed to tell me about the wonderful times that they spent there. And every one of them wanted to make sure I knew that the Rose Hotel is where the Roses of The Rose of Tralee stay.

So as the days approached, they all had a countdown to the day, the moment that I would arrive at the prestigious and glorious Rose Hotel. Messages through text, whatsapp and facebook; ” Are you there yet? Are you there yet? Are you there  yet?” They were like giddy kids on a road trip to Disneyland. “Are you there yet?” …

We take the 40 bus up to Tralee. We hail a passing cab because we are not sure where it was. The taxi driver reminds us that Tralee is the capital of Kerry, not Killarney and that the Rose Hotel is where all the Roses of the Rose of Tralee stay. He drives us to the front steps and we pay the €7 fee plus a €3 tip. …

… I don’t know what it was that I was expecting. Diamond chandeliers? Doormen in white gloves and top hats? Marbled floors and Wood Sprites serving us champagne when we entered? Whatever I was expecting, I can honestly say that I was expecting a lot more. It wasn’t that is was run down, filthy and the staff were nasty and rude. It just wasn’t the Rose Hotel that everybody and their little dog boasted about.

I found it to be run of the mill standard hotel. Much like the Econo Lodge  near the airport in Denver Colorado. Yes, the Econo Lodge is a discount hotel. The staff were cordial but mechanical and cold. The food was over priced. The room was adequate. The toilet didn’t flush well, so there was a certain level of anxiety that ensued whenever I had to spend more than a penny.  The shower was more complicated than an escape room. After spending an hour deciphering the code, locks, switches, knobs, buttons and pulleys, a stream of lukewarm water poured from the shower. You would have gotten better results if you  held  a garden hose that has been sitting out in the sun, over your head. ..

It wasn’t a bad stay, but for the money I paid even with the deal that I got, I know that I could have done so much better some place else. I nearly feel duped in paying for  a brand name rather than for quality stay.

Observations Going Into 2019

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Every year my friends, family, co workers, & classmates all are so relieved that the previous year is over and how the new year is going to be  SO AWESOME! We go through the year without changing the way we do or think about anything, and by the end, that year can SUCK IT! And the new year , the new hope will solve all our problems and make us so ridiculous happy! … I’m rather sick of it..

I’m hoping to break this cycle of yearly disappointment. I don’t have a game plan. I really don’t have a clue. But maybe if I make an observation, I can go from there?

… People love watching other people be mean to each other.

The most viewed videos on YouTube are the ones of people yelling, screaming and fighting. I see all those videos posted up on Facebook & Twitter, about how some  guy started a fist fight with another guy over the type of cup their over priced decaffeinated almond milk macha green tea latte came in. People laugh and re-post and make their own banal comments starting cyber fights, posting more videos that are meaner to out do the previous video and more and more people are being become meaner and meaner.  Regardless of all the psychology behind this, or the excuses, or even reasons, people find watching 2 people verbally abusing & beating the crap out of each other over something trivial as entertainment. I first noticed this when that show “Curb Your Enthusiasm” came out in the the early 2000s. (Not to say that it hasn’t been going on for centuries before.) That one woman that was constantly yelling and swearing and abusing everyone, what’s her name? Everyone loved her! I heard/read how people would stop the actress that played her just to hear her yell and swear at them. I found her character rather annoying. I didn’t say that she did, because if I did then I would have been immediately sent to the stocks where everyone would throw rotten slurs at me in hopes to make themselves seem more cultured and in tune to the rhythms of society. People love watch other people being mean to each other. People love being mean. People are mean.

… Along these same lines, people love watching people get hurt… 

Again, with the You Tube, again with the Facebook & Twitter. All the same, but now it’s videos of people taking a chance, being daring, trying something new, but something goes wrong…  They fall off the trampoline and crack their neck, they slide out onto the ice, slip, break their tailbone and fall through the ice, they slip off their skateboard and crush their balls on the stair rails… And heaven forbid you might cringe, or feel bad for the skateboarder that took a chance and crushed his balls! May the social out casting being! And just the same, people post and comment relentlessly more & more brutal and tragic videos trying to out do each other on who is the dominate trend setter. Say nothing about Childish Gambino – This Is America. Have you watched it? Did you get anything from it other than thinking that it was either  rubbish or brilliant? … How far do we need to go before we stop laughing and making fun of people getting hurt and injured?

… I’ll do one more… I have a bunch of other observations in mind, but they may all be how people interact with me particularly. But this one I think a lot of people can relate to… both men and women…

…  Women trying to out bitchy each other…

Now I’m sure I’ll have every woman up in arms about this, every feminist ready to lynch me with how dare yous. I’m a woman. Even though most of my friends are men, I will see this as a woman and this is an observation that I have made numerous times. I don’t know if there is a male version of this. There probably is but I would have no idea how it manifest, because I am not a man….

I don’t know if it’s a diva thing or maybe an inflated sense of entitlement thing or just plain old competition? I don’t know how to even begin to explain it. It comes in many different forms…  One form of it might start with a legitimate complaint about a nasty comment one woman said about another about her clothes but then it spirals down to”…how dare she…”, and “…I would never…”, “… That’s just the way I am, and I’m not changing…” It spirals down into a chaos of bitchy righteous indignation & petty accusations … During this whole bitch fest, there wouldn’t be one comment or thought of the other side, or why. Why was that nasty comment made in the first place? OK, maybe it was because she was a nasty person? OK, why is she so nasty? Well, she’s always been nasty? OK, why is she always so nasty? Well, her whole family died in a car accident when she was in her 20s … Now, how productive was that bitch fest? … Another form would be some woman bitching about how people are not doing things for her and how people are not treating her in the way that she feels that she “deserves”.  The word deserves is use very loosely here… When someone calls her on her bitchiness, then there is another whole tirade of how she’s not being accepted for who she is… And there’s the rub…

I think I will have to write another bitty on this thing about women trying to out bitchy each other ‘coz I can’t put it all into clean concise outlines, sentences, paragraphs … Maybe that’s why nobody really approaches the topic and it just runs rampant like black mould in a damp bathroom.

So, getting back to what I was saying at the beginning… Maybe some of the reasons why flip the bird to the passing year and have such high hope for the new one, is because all we remember from the previous year is mean people arguing, & fighting, adventurous people getting hurt, and women being bitchy divas. It’s no wonder …

Damn The Christmas Wish List

I wrote a post before about my disdain of the Christmas Wish List. It might have been before WordPress, or even Facebook. I think I might have posted it on MySpace… Remember MySpace?

I’m certainly in the minority, or maybe the only one.

It’s fine for kids. Of course it’s great for kids. The whole ruse of if you’ve been good all year then Santa will reward you with the toys and things that you’ve wished for.  But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about adults, grown ups, not children…

There’s something fundamentally wrong about telling other people what gifts to buy you. I can’t say why it is, or break it down scientifically or morally or in any other way. Maybe not wrong, but unpleasantly weird.

For Christmas I want this thing and I want that thing, … but we can’t appear to be greedy or materialistic so we disguise it into a “wish list” and to make it more palatable we say to each other “Let’s all make a wish list so we know what to buy you and we all can get what we want” … Everyone smiles  “Oh what a great idea” … And then the race is on. …

I have to buy this for her. I have to buy that for him. Oh! this is what they’ve been looking for for last couple of months, but it’s not on their list. This is what they want but it’s not the right colour. They’re all out of this. And, ugh! I can’t afford that, but the set limit that everyone agreed on was 50 so I have to spend 50… Heaven forbid you get them something that wasn’t exactly what they had on their wish list…

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What would make the whole process easier is if we all went out and got what we wanted and just say that this one came from you, and that one came from you…

I was told that the dreaded wish list saves time. It’s easier. … Yeah, it does save time and it’s easier to say; “Ah, Fuck It. I just can’t be bothered to get to know you, and learn about all your likes and loves. I don’t want to waste my time to come up with a special gift  for you and you alone. So tell me what you want, and I’ll get it for you. Merry Christmas!… Oh by the way, I want these things…”

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But this is how it is done these days. This is not only acceptable, but expected. Admit it. During the oh so jolly Christmas Season we think about all the things we want, and we are told what to get for everyone else. So with head down, eyes forward, we file into our ranks and march forward … I want this … They want that …

I thought that I might have escaped it. For years I just didn’t participate. Then a few years ago I met that special someone, and that special someone had a wonderful family that invited me to their Christmas celebrations which included a Secret Santa or Kris Kringle…

… I do love giving gifts. I know after reading this far it may not seem so, but I do. I love getting to know the person hearing all their stories. I like to think that I’m fairly industrious and creative, so I thoroughly enjoy making as much of the gift as I can so that it’s one of a kind. There’s such satisfaction and such amazing rewards putting together or creating that very special gift specifically for that one person. …

… So for 3 years I enjoyed the gift of giving. Planning through out the year, getting to know this beautiful family. … Then it was all ripped away, and I was already down the rabbit hole. … This year they decided to add a Christmas Wish List to the Kris Kringle. I couldn’t argue. I am only the girlfriend accessory rendering me at the moment merely temporary. This was a Family decision, rooted and permanent. I tried to give other options. “How about a list of things you absolutely don’t want?” “How about a short list of hobbies and interest?” … No … Just a list of what you want me to buy you. … It was too late, I couldn’t back out, so I have to go along with it.

So what do I do now? The person I got was very specific, even added money to make up the difference in the set limit and the price. … Am I really giving them a Christmas gift? Or did I just get hired to go out and do their shopping? Do I wrap it up in Christmas paper, ribbons and bows? Will they act surprise? “Oh! It’s what I’ve always wanted! You shouldn’t have!” … I shouldn’t have? Did I have the option? Do I fain excitement of giving them a gift they told me to get them?

They are still a Wonderfully Beautiful Family, but I’m so disappointed & heartbroken. How am I going to get through this without ripping out my soul? How am I going to get through this without offending them and still stay true to myself? I know that I don’t want to do this, but I’m already in it. And I’m hoping that next year there will be other things that will require my attention and attendance so that I won’t have to go through this again. But I will suck it up for now. I will be a good girlfriend, with my head down and eyes forward marching along. … I’ll write out my angst in this blog, taking comfort in knowing that nobody that I know will read this or read all of it, all the while figuring out how, figuring out a way…