It Was Just A Shitty Job

5 Weeks now.

Still can’t sleep through a Sunday night.

Doing better with the other nights…

Well, Wednesday is still a bit rough. …

5 Weeks, and I’m still angry.

Goodness, it was just a shitty job that I did for 3 years.

You would think that I just got out of a co-dependant abusive relationship.

But I didn’t.

It was just a shitty job that I did for 3 years.

Sure I can make all the correlations between a shitty job and a abusive relationship.

Because that’s what it is, isn’t it?

But do the same break up rituals work on a shitty job you did for 3yrs?

Maybe a re-bound job? … But that means you’d work at an even shittier job…

That might just do me in, ‘coz the last one nearly did.

There are no photos to burn, no rumours to spread, no lawsuits, no vehicles for my own vindication … Life goes on..

It was just a shitty job I did for 3 years.

5 weeks gone, and I am still angry…

I know, I said that already.

Why am I still angry?

Why am I angry at all?

It was just a shitty job I did for 3 years.

I thought I would be better by now.

That I would be bursting with energy, that I would drop the stress weight I gain, that all the erratic aches & pains that would randomly crush me would disappear, that my satirical intellectual prowessness would suddenly return.

Nope.

A student teased me when I complained; “Did you get your ‘medical bingo card’?

After realizing what it was, my only response was; “Do we get paid if we win?”

To be fair, I do have a bit more energy, but only enough to realize how broken I am.

I know these things take time, but it’s been 5 Weeks!

I know why I am angry.

That song. “California Numb” by Cloves

“… If you can only see me know, you can hear the punchline,

That I don’t like my face, or how I’m turning out…”

That’s why I’m so angry.

It’s been 5 Weeks, I’m not much better.

… And it was just a shitty job that I did for 3 years.

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