Let’s Talk – The Anticipated Crossroads

“Let’s Talk” is the title of his email.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew 4 years ago when he decided to leave Ireland and asked for his old job back. He didn’t tell me. He lead me to believe for 7 months that it was his old boss that asked him to come back. Considering the financial situation we were in, it was an offer he couldn’t refuse.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when his condo was for sale and he wouldn’t come down the price. “If I did, it would mean that I didn’t care about that extra $XXXX…” He said. When it didn’t sale and the contract was up with the realtor. It sat empty.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when there was an explosion of jobs in his field from entry level to senior levels and he didn’t apply for one of them. “I haven’t been working in the industry for 3yrs. They won’t hire me.”

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when he’s job finally came through that he offered no solution or arrangement for our marriage, for our relationship, for us at all. He left it all to me.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when he moved back into his condo, even though “our” arrangement was  for 3 years, that he filled it up with all the luxuries of a permanent home.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when there were no “I miss you”‘s. … Not without prompting anyway, and always with a bit of disdain as if I trapped him into saying it. And the “I love you”‘s are so few and far between that I can count them on one hand.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when he wouldn’t engage in conversation in the one Skype call that he allowed a week. – I think I’ve pulled all his teeth.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when I was thrown into a desperate situation because of him. A situation that would break me with the slightest stumble and his response was that it wasn’t his problem. When I told him that the Doctor’s found cancer cells in my bloodstream. “Sorry to hear about that.” He said. I knew then too.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when I asked him when he was coming to visit me. He said that he didn’t have any plans too, and wouldn’t discuss any options other than he didn’t have any plans too.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when he couldn’t even write “I love you” in, quite literally, an 11th hour email on Valentines’ Day. How he couldn’t be bothered to call and say Happy Birthday in person per say. Instead, jumped on the Facebook Bandwagon Birthday Bomb.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when I got a Facebook message on his scheduled Skype call that he was in New York and was going to spend the week in Boston over the 4th. It was the first that I heard of it. He didn’t know when he was going to be available.

I know what he wants to talk about. I knew when I saw the roads intersect. I knew when  I stop running and walked slower and slower and slower, …  I can still see it up ahead …

I know what he wants to talk about. We Skype tonight. Just a few more steps. So here I am …crossroads41

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4 Comments

  1. July 12, 2014 at 12:47 am

    Dear friend, know that whichever path you take I will be waiting to meet you and walk with you to the other side.

  2. cinnabari said,

    July 12, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    This crossroads is going to suck. :/ Need to talk, I’m here.

    • July 12, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      Honestly, I’m feeling a bit guilty that I’m not at all broken up about it. I’m excited and feeling so very free! You were there for the 1st round, Thanks so much for being here the 2nd time around.

      HA! This just reminded me of lyric to a song that I don’t remember the name of. It’s the opening song to the show “Orange Is The New Black”

      “… Remember all the roads, remember all the crossings,
      Taking steps is easy, standing still is hard.
      Remember all their faces, rmember all their voices,
      everything is different, the 2nd time around…”


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